A brunette child with a blond mother is crying. Why? Because his father was just mauled by a Scandinavian dragon.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

So a penguin walks into a bar. Penguin's have been affected by global warming so much that they decide to drink away as they near their final hours.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

What do you do when a blonde takes the pin out of a grenade and throws it at you? Take cover as there is a person close to you wielding an active grenade.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

A penguin is driving through the desert when his car breaks down. He has it towed to a service station in the nearest town to be repaired. The mechanic tells him that it may be a while so he might want to take a stroll around town, find something to do for a while and check back a little later for an update. The penguin decides that as it is so hot in the desert town, and he is accustomed to a much cooler climate, he might enjoy a bit of ice cream. He walks to the local ice cream parlor, orders a large vanilla cone, and proceeds to devour the treat in a flash, covering himself in ice cream in the process. He has ice cream on his flippers, his face, and all down his stomach; he is virtually covered in the white, sticky goo. Upon returning to the service station to check in on the mechanic and his car, the mechanic say to him, "Well, it looks like the seal on your head gasket leaked, the transmission is shot, and you appear to be covered in ice cream." To which the penguin replies, "Yes, I have made quite the mess of myself. Today just isn't my day."

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Why don't traffic lights go swimming? Because they aren't sentient or animate, and therefore can't decide to undertake such an activity. Even if they were sentient, they wouldn't enjoy swimming as the water would damage their electrical works.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

What did the kid with no arms or legs get for Christmas? Cancer

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Why did the chicken cross the road? It felt like it, no particular reason. Why did the hippo cross the road? Same reason as the chicken. Why did the Fred cross the road? He was with animal control, and a chicken and hippo had just been reported to cross this dangerous stretch of highway.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

y was John so sad becaus his mom took his phone

thumb_up thumb_down -6

What do u call a beaner when he stands up 4 foot nothing

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Q: What did the redneck say when he ran out of beer? A: I need more beer.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

The chickens have become self-aware!

thumb_up thumb_down -6

why did the boy get hit by a bus because he dropped his ice cream

thumb_up thumb_down -6

roses are red. violetss are black. a knife would go good in your back

thumb_up thumb_down -6

How do you make a clown cry? Hit him with a chair then rape his children

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Why did the black woman have an affair? Because she had an unsatisfying sex life, her old husband was boring, and she was curious about being with other men.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

What is the worst party ever? Nazi.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Why was the boy afraid? Because he had just seen his dog get ran over by a tractor

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? He was dead. Why did the squirrel fall out of the tree? He was stapled to the monkey.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Knock Knock Who's there? Its the pizza man. Get your yellow no good keister off my property before I pump your guts full of lead. 1,2...10

thumb_up thumb_down -6

What's the only thing better than winning a gold medal in the special olympics? Not being retarded.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Why did the chicken cross the road? To try to get the antidote for his dying baby chick.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Why did the blond woman sell her water skis? She was in a horrible accident and will never walk again.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

That's illegal What? Your mom

thumb_up thumb_down -6

What do you get when you cross a sheep with a lion? A dead sheep.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops