You know what pansies remind me of? What? A flower

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What do you call 100 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A weird kind of genocide.

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Chuck Norris once jumped off of a 9 story building. He broke half of the bones in his body because he is 71 years old.

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Why did the retarted kids head get stuck in the window? It was a very small window

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What do you get when you cross a Lion and a Shark? You would likely get trouble, seeing as its both animals are quite dangerous and crossing even one of them is ill advised.

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How do you stop a train? You stand in front of it.

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Everytime God shuts a door, he opens a window... ...But I am the Goddamn locksmith!

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Q: Why is it when geese fly in a V that one side is longer than the other? A: There are more geese on that side.

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Why did Muhammad pray to Jesus? Because he has low self esteem and didn't believe in himself.

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What's the difference between an orange? A bicycle because a vest doesn't have any sleeves.

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It was okay, then Alice my friend and a nurse insisted (she can be a total bitch) I take a painkiller, of course that messed up my focus completely and threw off my hypnotic suggestion which I use to shut down the pain receptors. Ironically I cannot seem to shut off my allergy to dust. Oh, yeah it was the standard bullshit Mensa test, ten patterns or something, oh and while I am terrible at trivia, I am actually much smarter than a fifth grader, I mean one kid told me he was smarter because he could do math better than me and he could, so I choked the little bitch to death, who is the smartest one now?

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Joe: CHOP CHOP KICK PUNCH HI-YAH! Mike:What are you doing? JOE: PRACTICING CHPO MENTAL KICK KARATE!!!!!!!

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What did the over confident jack-ass say to the hot girl, You'll do.

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Why did the little girl fall off the swing? Because she had no arms. Why couldn't she get up? Because she had no legs.

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Why does the Pentagon have twice as many toilets built as is legally obliged? Racial segregation

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what's worse than waiting 45 minutes in an amusement park ride? getting your penis chopped off.

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When life gives you lemons you squirt them in someones eyes and steal what life gave them.

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Why didnt the cannibal like the taste of the comedian? because the comedian smelled very bad and the cannibal forgot to add salt.

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a murderer sees a young child left alone at a park... he promptly finds the childs mother and returns her to her home.

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how do you stop a baby from crying? hit it with a brick.

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roses are grey violets are grey so says my color blind cousin

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Q1: How do you get an elephant to laugh? A1: Tell it a joke. Q2: How do you get a cow to laugh? A2: Cows can't laugh.

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what has a hard shaft and an even harder head? A hammer

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Q: How does 5 gay people walk together? A: In One Direction.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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