when life gives you lemons, force a hobo to eat them because lemonade is going to suck if life doesnt give you any sugar.

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Guns dont kill people...whoever pulled the trigger kills people

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Q: Why is 6 afraid of 7? A: 7 is a registered sex offender.

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Why did the little girl fall off the swing? Because Acl tear stepped on a spit.

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What's brown and sticky? Poop.

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So a pirate walks into a bar. He sits down and orders a drink. The bartender then looks down and realizes that the pirate has a steering wheel on his penis. "Sir, are you aware that you have a steering wheel on your penis?" the bartender asks. "Arrrrrrr! It's driving me crazy! I just woke up one day and it was there!" The pirate replied. "Well you should probably get that checked out soon, it looks like it could be very harmful to your health and slightly uncomfortable. Not to mention your penis is out in the open." "You are right, what was I thinking?" The pirate agreed. He proceeded to get his friend to drive him to a hospital, for drinking and driving is not safe, and steering wheels on penises are not healthy.

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whdid the cop say to the robber as he ran out of the bakery? I caught you bread handed

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Why did Sally drop her Ice Cream Cone? Because her dog licked her butthole.

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whats similar between a chicken and an alligator they both gobble except for they alligator

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Of course, first door on your left

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How do you know when you have had too much to drink? When you ran over 7 pedestrians and are lying in the back of a police vehicle

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whats worse than 10 dead babies in a bucket 5 are alive and eating the others

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Ask me any question. Okay, what is your favorite color? I refuse to answer.

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A white guy, a black guy, an asian guy, an indian sit together. Canada

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Why cant stevie wonder read? Because he is blind

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An Asian, white, and a black man decide to play Russian Roulette. The Asian goes first and shoots himself in the head. The white man picks up the gun for his turn. The black man runs down the street screaming. Cops see him and the white man holding the gun, both are sent to jail for life for the murder of their friend.

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What's sadder than a dead baby? Any dead adult, considering how much more they've contributed to society.

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Roses are Red Violets are Red My Garden is on Fire.

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Roses are blue Violets are too I've got Alzheimer Roses are red

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hey chris what yu doing wit my back pack? using it..

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knock knock whos there? ughh omg youre dying what yeah dear god ok ill call 911 no im fine its just a seizure ok get well soon

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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks "why the long face?" The horse does not reply as it is a horse and horses cannot speak. The bartender realises his stupid mistake and calls the farm the horse came from. The horse is taken back to the farm and fed some hay. The bartender carries on living his life and then dies of natural causes at a very old age.

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So you're floating down a river on a two story canoe. How many pancakes does it take to cover a dog house? Four because snakes have no legs.

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Someone just commented on my joke! ... oh wait it was myself

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops