Roses are red I got a new phone But no one to text Forever alone

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Is your refrigerator running? Yes. Good because it is important to keep food chilled to prevent it from spoiling and wasting you money

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Does your iPod have zoom on it? Yeah, but it doesn't have a camera

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I was going to write a joke about procrastination, but I haven't gotten to it yet.

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What's the difference between Paris Hilton and a cow? Cows are ruminants, meaning that they have a digestive system that allows use of otherwise indigestible foods by regurgitating and rechewing them as "cud". Paris Hilton, on the other hand, is a human being. Therefore, her stomach digests the bolus (masticated food) only after it has exited the oesophagus into the body of the organ, where it is digested into chyme and then passed through the pyloric sphincter into the duodenum.

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Why did the water in the lake disappear? There was a toilet at the bottom.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? His family was being held hostage on the other side.

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Bill: Wanna know the difference between knowledge and wisdom? Joe: Sure Bill: Knowledge is knowing that an apple is a fruit. Wisdom is knowing not to put it in a fruit salad.

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Ask me if I'm on a horse. Are you on a horse? Yes, are you on a horse? No. Oh...

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When Hitler was a girl she had hyjenical warts and when she got older she had beast cancer.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have alzheimer's Roses are red Violets are blue I have alzheimer's

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What do you call a kid without any friends? A Sandy Hook survivor

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he was trying to commit suicide through vehicular manslaughter and knew that the average human being would not be able to stop before it was too late.

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What did the wall say to the other wall? Nothing, walls are inanimate things therefore it cannot talk.

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Q: Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? A: Because it was dead

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What do all homosexuals have in common? Not much.

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What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Not your cheese.

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What do you call a million pigs jumping out of an aircraft? Bacon.

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What happens when a unicorn gets her period? You know it's a girl.

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Why was the girl crying? She prolapsed.

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Your momma's so stupid she stuck a power cable up her ass. Shortly after she died

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Why did the potato cross the road? It didn't. A potato is a vegetable. It cannot walk, think or speak.

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Q: Why was the cook put in jail. A: He has killed 2 people and robbed several stores

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What is yellow, has wheels and lies on its back? A school bus after a horrible traffic accident

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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