Q: How do you make Osama Bin Ladin happy? A: Take him out to a nice seafood dinner free of charge.

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What's worse than a dead baby? Two dead babies.

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Why did the retarded guy follow the 7 year old? Because he's a stalker.

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The man who invented the teleprompter has died at the age of 91. When President Obama heard the news, he was speechless.

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How many pancakes can you fit into a gopher hole? Red - because ice cream doesn't have any bones.

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What's black, white and red all over? A race war

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What do call the time things don't go the way you plan them? Reality. bitch

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Why'd the chicken cross the road? Its not for us to determine its motive, i'm sure it has its reasons

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what did Dr. Dre say? Nothing you idiots! Dr. Dre's dead!

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Why did the black homeowner default on his house? He was paying significantly more in mortgage than the actual market value of the home, since he purchased his property before the housing bubble. He carried out a cost/benefit analysis and derived the conclusion that he was effectively destroying his own wealth by paying his mortgage bills.

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Haiku's are easy But sometimes they don't make sense Refrigorator

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Roses are red, My name is Dave, This poem makes no sense, Microwave.

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What did Ben's Graandma get him for Christmas? Nothing, she died on Thanksgiving!

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I've got some good news an some bad news. The good new is that you just won 10 million dollars! The bad news is I'm just kidding.

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What happens if you're caught strangling a purple leprechaun? You are taken to a mental institution because you have schizophrenia

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Why was the black man picking cotton? Because he was in an area where slavery is a socially and morally accepted practice.

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What do you call a man with cheese on his face? His name is David.

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You're so fake, Barbara Millicent Roberts is jealous of you.

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whats worse then getting a parking ticket? the plague

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Roses are brown Violets are brown Someone keeps shitting in my garden

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So a penguin walks into a bar. Penguin's have been affected by global warming so much that they decide to drink away as they near their final hours.

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“Ok, time for bed” … is what I said to the empty living-room. It was getting late, and the internet no longer amused me. I picked up my cell phone, rooted through the couch cushions until I located the remote, and turned off the television that had been nothing but background noise for the last few hours. I made sure the front and back doors were securely locked, walked around the back of the couch, and turned off the only light. A tap on the screen of my phone created just enough light to keep from busting a toe on an errant table leg. Because my cats have an evil tendency to lie in the middle of the hallway, I aimed the small amount of light from my phone directly in front of my tired and shuffling feet. I’d only covered a small distance before I knew, from many nights of this same regimen, that I was getting close to the bedroom door. At this point my arm started the slow upward arc that would eventually illuminate the now pitch-black opening to the comfort of my room. The light emanating from my cell was quite dim, and this action had become quite rote, so my arc was about waist level before I noticed a slight variation of the familiar black of the open doorway. At that point, and in a disturbingly short amount of time, five things happened nearly simultaneously: My arm, the arm carrying the phone, continued to rise in its predetermined arc, having been an object in motion which would stay in motion. I released a small gasp and exclaimed to my husband that his sudden appearance in the dark had startled the breath from me. I remembered that my husband was at work. The light arc reached its apex on a face of protruding nail-like teeth. A face suspiciously bereft of eyes, with a gaping, oozing, bloody pit where a nose should have been. The light went out.

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A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette are on a cruise together. A horrifying accident occurs, sinking the boat and killing all of them. Their deaths are mourned by their respective family members.

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Whats worse than the holocaust? Finding a worm in your apple.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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