A man walks into a bar. Suddenly, he is filled with a strange feeling, as if his life is somehow the subject of a stupid joke. He walks back out of the bar and consults a psychiatrist.

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Why could susan not get up? Because her limbs were hacked off by a African militia group.

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A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "Devout Semites," the parrot replied.

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Why is there a black president? Cause you voted for him. Thanks! Dick.

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A guy walked into a restaurant. He sat down and had a lovely meal left the restaurant got in his car and went home. The End

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All of the people in the burning building escaped except for one what was wrong with that one person? He was a blind, could not hear and was in a wheelchair.

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Why was little timmy crying? He walk in on his dad molesting a minor.

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Knock knock Fuck off!

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TOP KEK

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What says "Mooo"? A goat with an identity crisis.

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whats the difference between a ferrari in my garage, and a pile of dead babies in my garage. I do not have a ferrari but i do have a pile of dead babies

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Why did Susan fall off the swing? -Because she has no arms. Knock, knock. Who's there? Not Susan.

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A guy reads the bible Another guy shouts "spoiler alert, the main character dies"

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How did Helen Keller burn the side of her face? She didn't use enough sunscreen.

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Q: Why did the clown fall off the swing? A: He got hit by an axe.

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What's worse than a bee sting? The holocaust What's worse then the holocaust? Two bee stings

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Whats funnier than Steven Yuhasz being Straight? Womens Rights.

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why was the man denied his teaching job? because he is a wanted cerial killer in 43 states.

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A priest a rabbi and the dalai lama walk into a bar. They decided to order the hotwings...... Why do u care??? : )

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What do you call a blind person? Mack Despard

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if you press the thumbs up button nyan cat is going to visit you tonight

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Yo momma stank so bad, she might have a serious vaginal infection. You should take her to the hospital.

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"knock, knock" "who is there?" Gestapo

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Knock, Knock Who's there? Interrupting cow Interrupting c- Moo

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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