9-11 please state your emergency. My house is flooding! Dad, youre in the swimming pool.

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A guy walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender asks why the long face. The guy responds because cancer is a horrible disease. Oh yah did I mention the guy has cancer? $

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Yo momma so normal, she got married, had three kids and then lived a dull but contented life.

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Why did Sally fall off the swing She had no arms Knock knock. Who's there? Not sally

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it was all Tagart

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Q. How can you tell if a snake bites? A. It depends on if he walks to school or carries his lunch.

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Do you know whats funny to say to someone unless they're black. Your ma's in jail.

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I don't drink. I'm not 21.

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What's funnier than British people ? Their tea in the Harbor

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What is red and smells like brown feces? Bloody feces

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How many straight naked men can you fit in a wardrobe? I'm not sure but the situation is highly unlikely!

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Why did the elephant cross the road? Indiana Jones was riding on it to Pankot Palace

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Knock Knock Who's there It's me open the door

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A boy walked in on his mom and dad in their bedroom last night they were having a leisurely evening playing scrabble

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"Knock knock" "Who's there?" "Fairy floss" "Fairy floss who?" "I'm sugar coating your Cancer diagnoses"

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Roses are red,violets are blue,hit me once I will break you to Roses are red,violets are blue,I will kick your ass, as hard as to

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Why did the man get in a car accident? Because he was blind.

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Why is Joel always with Jamie? Because her incorrectly positioned eyes prevent her from seeing the true Joel.

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How do you catch a predator? You throw a beartrap at a child.

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A brachiosaurus walks into a cafe "Excuse me I'm an herbivore, can I have a full English breakfast, but with veggie sausages instead of normal sausages, and mushrooms instead of bacon?" Shop keeper: "No you can't. Your too big. You've destroyed my kitchen, and my livelihood. I have nothing left. You've accidently reduced my business to rubble by walking through the door"

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Knock knock. Who's there? Your best friend. No it's not, you stupid repo man...I'M NOT OPENING THE DOOR.

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Dwarf Shortage

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In Soviet Russia, you drive the car, fill it up with gas, and park it. Just like in America.

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what happened to the retarded dyslexic? he retard on his 60th birthday and took up gardening.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops