Did you know that onions is the only food that makes you cry? Oh? Really? Positive. what if I threw a coconut at you're face. ...

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Tom: Knock knock! Guy: Who's there? Tom: Carrot. Guy: Impossible.

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Your mother is so fat, when she stepped on a scale, it read quite a large number. She resolved to live healthier and exercise more.

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How do you make a retard make a sound like a dog? Douse him in gasoline and light him on fire. WOOF!

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Seven monkeys jumping on the bed. One fell off and bumped his head! Momma called the doctor, And the doctor said, "I'm sorry, Mrs.Monkey, but your son has suffered a severe concussion, and will be severely mentally impaired for the rest of his life."

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So once upon a midnight dreery.... In a galaxy far far away that takes place in the past but resembles a technologically advanced future, an evil sith overlord took an innocent Jedi knight and turned him in a cybernetic killing machine. In the end, he dies

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How many shots do you have to take to start feeling light-headed? Ask JFK.

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A black man and a white man crash their cars. they promptly exchange insurance information and apologize to each other about the inconvenience.

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Find a half-worm.

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Why did the clown fall out of the tree? He got shot.

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knock knock who's there? Ah Maj. Ah Maj who? (say it outloud)

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My mom was telling my brother how much it hurt when she stubbed her toe. He told her she should try child birth.

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what do mexicans cross? whatever they want. but in this case their local grocery store parking lot to buy fresh produce.

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Whats black and white and red all over. A penguin in a blender.

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Why did the Black man cross the road? To get to Pop-Eye's since KFC is too expensive nowadays. HELL-YA

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Why can't Benitio Mussolini win the war? Becuase he's dead.

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Why did the kid get a bicycle for his birthday? Cause his father is a respectable parent who loves his child.

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Why did the piano explode? Beacause someone planted an explosive inside of it.

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If the human population held hands around around the equator A significant portion of them would drown.

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Matt Gregory Harrington is a bender, pylon, hoser, duster tripod, and puck bunny!!!!

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What did the plant say to the human. Nothing.

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Your mother is so fat that she has to undergo amputation of her foot because of type 2 diabetes.

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Why was the little girl crying. Her dad wiped his bloody penis with her teddybear.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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