Q: what comes after 69? A: 70

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A man walks into a bar with an octopus. He tells the bartender that his octopus can play any instrument. The bartender gives the octopus bag pipes. The octopus fiddles with the bag pipes but can't seem to play them. The man gives the bag pipes back to the bartender and leaves with his octopus. He is quite embarassed and decided to get bagpipe lessons for his octopus.

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This planking craze is really taking over... my elderly nextdoor neighbour has been planking in her garden for three days straight!

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So i know this guy... yes? thats it.

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how do you make Will Smith cry? cut off his toes and fingers.

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Knock, knock. Who's there? "Dwane!" I don't know any Dwane. Perhaps you have the wrong address. "Oh. Sorry to have bothered you!"

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What would a gay, transgender, mexican man say to another? We could have butt sex.

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What did the young Muslim man have attached to him? A book-bag, it was is his first week college and he eager for an education.

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how do you poke a chinese person in the eye? with a credit card!

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what do you call a child with bruises on his face? Child protective services.

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Why does Gandalf have special powers? Because Dumbledore died.

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Did you hear about the guy with five penises? Me neither, because that sounds like a very improbable aberration.

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what do you call a rich, gay guy from Florida? Iron man

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Your mother is so fat that she's more prone to cardiovascular disease than other people who stick to the proper BMI or body mass index

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Why don't aliens eat clowns? Because the paint used on their faces makes the extra terrestrials leery of lead poisoning.

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what do u call a lesbian dinosaur? lickalotopuss

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Roses are red My name is Dave This poem makes no? sense Microwave

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If I have 12 backpacks and Jimmy has 91 pancakes, then how many marshmallows can cover the roof of this building? Purple. Because Aliens don't wear hats.

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Why did the man trip over the kitten? He was blind.

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Q #1: Why did Sally fall off the swings? A #1: She has no arms. Q #2: Knock Knock Who's There? Not Sally.

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Why did it take Da Vinci so long to paint the Sistine Chapel? Because it was painted by Michelangelo.

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Fact: Nine out of ten Americans believe that out of ten people one will always disagree with the other nine.

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Why does Michael J. Fox always have his martinis shaken? He thinks they taste better that way.

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A fat man walks into a gym, and comes out fatter

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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