Why did the pumpkin stop using the jack hammer? Pumpkins cannot use power tools since they are nothing but orange gourds. But, [for sport] say this ‘pumpkin’ was incarnate; one could assume he was done with his demolition work. He then would return the portable drill to the rental facility and get his deposit back.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

I guys look at this new game I bought, what is it, it's called penis it's supposed to be toatally hard

thumb_up thumb_down +11

a cat a dog and a penis meet up. The cat said ur lucky, when you have to pee u can go wherever you want. the dog said your lucky you can go in a litter box. the penis said your lucky u dont have to put a ballon over your head and do pushups till you throw up!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +11

A man and his friend walk into a bar. The first man says "I'll have some H2O." The second man, quite thirsty, says "I would like some H2O too." The second man dies because the bartender is a serial killer and gave the man the hydrogen peroxide he ordered. The first man is killed with a shovel.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Why did the boy drop his ice-cream? He was shot in the back, knifed in the face, kicked in the groin, poo'd on by an alpaka, had frogs stapled to his face, his hair burnt off, pushed off a cliff, eaten by a scorpian, lost his arms legs and eyeballs, squashed by a hippo, ran over by a buss, truck and cement mixer, had cement poured on his frogs (that were stapled to his face), became morbidly obese, was raped by a chicken, was served as sauce at an italian resturant, was done by his mother's father's grandson, broke both of his detatched legs, crashed his car, went into a time machine and was crushed by a stegosaurous, had a lemon squesed in his detatched eyes, got high on cokeawana, was crushed to death by a garbage disposer and was rejected by the hobo at the shelter? no, actually, he tripped

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What do 2 arabs say to each other in a super-market? For those of you who don't know your history, the true Lebanese are Phonecians. As such, they are not Ishmaelites/Arabs. They are from the house of Jaffeth. the youngest of Noah's sons. Arabs are from the house of Shem (i.e., Shemites/Semites), the oldest of Noah's sons, and Hamm, Noah's middle son who fathered Cannah with his mother. Haggar, the woman with whom Abraham fathered Ishmael, was a Cannonite. As such, Ishmael, the father of the Arabs, is half Semetic and half Hammetic. The true Lebanese are neither. Furthermore, the first non-Jewish Christian church was established with the Gentiles (the children of Jaffeth) in Lebanon. And then the shop blew up.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Everyone is different, but there are two of me, therefore I am unique. I have 72 different personalities, which all think, act and behave the same, all have my same name, but its still different to have such a thing eh? No I am not asking, I just added that weird little lightbulb symbol after "eh". People buy my book, its full of this nonsense... Its named "Are you left winged, or wrong winged" The book that has nothing to do with politics, and everything to do with politicians non existent sexlife! (seriously I had a book signing today... It was weird, people like stood in line twenty Signatures... AND PEOPLE ARE ALL GOING "HEY ARE YOU THAT GUY FROM HORSEHEAD?" Nero -WHO THE FUCK! IS THAT GUY ON HORSEHEAD?

thumb_up thumb_down +11

why was Michael Jackson at K-Mart? They offer high quality items at a reasonable price and lay-away during the holidays.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Haikus are easy But sometimes they don't make sense Refrigerator

thumb_up thumb_down +11

My grandpa died in the Holocaust He fell from the guard tower

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Why couldn't the Muslim eat pork? He didn't have a tongue.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What did the boy with no arms or legs get for Christmas? A pogo stick. Just kidding. Cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Why did the boy bring a ladder to school? He is short and finds it difficult getting from place to place.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

How do you find dennis ferguson? Look at danyons bckground

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What's worst than finding a worm in your apple Finding half a worm in your apple .....

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What did the Elephant say the other Elephant? We do not know. Their vocalization is still a mystery to us.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Why did the little girl fall from the swing? She's got no arms.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

I literally died laughing

thumb_up thumb_down +11

what is worse than 10 dead babies in a trash can? 11 dead babies in a trash can

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Guess what? What? You guessed correctly.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What's big and white and can't climb trees? A mattress

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Why do catholic priests enjoy the company of boys? Because they must remain celibate and cannot have children of their own.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Face...tastes like chicken!

thumb_up thumb_down +11

whats worse then finding a bad antijoke on this site? finding a real joke on this site

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops