Why did the man with seasonal allergies not take his medication? He had liver disease...read the fine print

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What did the grape do when it got stepped on? Released some juice and burst its skin.

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Knock knock Who’s there? The police, your family was killed in a horrific car crash on highway 22 this morning at 10:15 after they collided head on with a truck. They died instantly if it is any conciliation. We will contact you further into our investigation. Dave then poured himself a whiskey and thought about all the good times he and his family shared, teaching Jessica to ride a bike, his and Kate’s honeymoon in Honolulu, playing catch with Jacob. That’s when the full extremity of the situation hit Dave causing him to break into tears he sat and cried for three hours and fifteen minutes. Once he had gotten that out of his system he decided to visit his mother and tell her the horrible news. Knock Knock Who’s there? Dave Dave who? Again Dave breaks into tears as his grandmothers althsiemers has progressed to the point where she can no longer remember her sons name. Feeling shattered he decides not to go through the process of explaining who he is and decides to head to the local pub to drown his sorrows. Bartender: hard day? Dave: my wife and two beautiful children were mauled in a head on collision with a truck and my mother can’t remember who I am. Bartender: yeah sure but was it a hard day? Dumbstruck with this ridiculous remark Dave pauses for a moment. The bar is silent only the sounds of bottles clinking and feet tapping on bar stools can be heard. Cigarette smoke hangs in the air. Dave stares at the bartender momentarily then throws his bottle at him send him off balance Dave then grabs the shot gun he knows the bartender keeps behind the counter and shoots the bartender at point blank range. Some customers run scared witless other try to control Dave but only end up in the same position as the bartender. Dave is left standing in a pool of blood. The smell of death hangs in the air with the cigarette smoke. Feeling slightly better Dave heads home and kills himself. Dave was an excellent plumber we will miss him.

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one day there was an ugly barnicle. he was SSSOOO ugly that everyone died the end -patrick

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... a man has made himself a poop sandwich , refused to eat it and threw it away because it disgusted him ....

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Why do skinny women eat their food fresh cooked? So that they don't contract food-borne diseases and risk dying.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he wanted to, like any other chicken

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Joke below was made by Daniel Textor, he's a d i c k.

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What's black and really really smelly? Martin Luther King Jr.'s grave.

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What's hot and cold at the same time? Hotcold.

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What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas? nothing he was Jewish

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Man goes to the doctors, says doctor, im depressed. ive tried everything but i just cant see the bright side of life anymore, it seems empty to me, like theres no point in existing. The doctor certifies the man as clinically depressed and alerts the relevant authorities.

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What do you call a black man helping an old woman cross the road? A concerned citizen.

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Knock Knock Who's There The police, your under arrest.

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what did the monitor say to the boy? Im a Monitor

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im a barbie girl in a barbie world !!!! no your not its not phisicly possible for a plastic doll to have any form of feelings !!!!!

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What's a fry cook's favorite day? Saturday. It's his day off.

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What did Batman say to Robin before he got in the car? Robin, get in the car.

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Q. How do you punish Helen Keller? A. Rearrange the furniture in her room

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why did the man fall down? because he was shot.

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Why did the plane crash? The pilot was a loaf of bread.

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How do you get a black guy down from your tree? You can't, because there aint any.

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Why didn't Santa deliver presents until the night after Christmas? You should go ask someone who knows.

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Your mama's so fat.... Her cerial bowl came with a lifeguard

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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