what do you say when you wake up in the middle of the night and see your tv floating thats odd.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Q: Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? A: Getting mauled by a pack of hungry wolves

thumb_up thumb_down -11

is the glass of milk half empty or half full it is scientifically proven that these are the same thing. Choosing one over the other is like saying that 1/2 does not equal 1-1/2. A normal person would just see this as an ordinary glass of milk.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Q: What did the Rabbi say to the butcher? A: "Do you have the time?"

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Where can I apply for janitor school?

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Why did the pregnant Mexican cross the border? Nobody knows. She was shot down on site.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What's funnier than shooting a moose? The realization that the moose was Sarah Jessica Parker...

thumb_up thumb_down -11

A man brings his entire family in to meet a show producer. The producer says, "Okay, let's see what you got." The man then proceeds to lead his family through a variety of acts, including showcasing the proper way to drink English tea and how to dress for a polo match. When they finish, the producer asks, "And just what do you call your act?" To which the man replies, "The Aristocrats!"

thumb_up thumb_down -11

roses are red violets are blue. they both smell like flowers

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What's red and every where? A bloody soldier who just stepped on mine.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

A skeleton walks into a bar, asks for a mug of beer and a washcloth.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

You in love with me? Like platonic? Fine, we will move operations elsewhere, you really got to tell me who you are working for someday.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What did Stephen Hawking say when his computer crashed? Nothing.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Why did the man lose the spelling bee? He was mentally retarded and had no friends.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

jim is constantly asking bob the same questions, bob brings this to attention and suggests that jim might have amnesia. jim agrees and they move on iwth the conversation. minutes later jim asks a simaler question brought to attention earlier because he has amnesia

thumb_up thumb_down -11

._____________________. Whale!

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What did the fish say after he

thumb_up thumb_down -11

gabe sucks 8-------------------D~

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Why did the chicken cross the road? It has been this way for two days now. Whenever he looks over his shoulder and past his wing, he can see them there. Following him. The men with the red eyes. He doesn't know what they want and doesn't want to find out. He crosses that road as he has crossed so many others recently, squawking and shuffling along on his stubby legs, darting through traffic in a risky effort to shake them off of his tailfeathers. He gets to the other side and ascends the curb, walking beak-first into a pair of legs hidden beneath a grey robe. He looks up and sees a pair of eyes like burning coals staring down at him from within the darkness of a hood. He tries to run, but it is too late. He has been taken. His wings and fingers are forfeit.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Why did the baby cross the road? he was taped to the chicken

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Someone loses their golfball in the trees. Their playing partner replies: "what is this? This berenstein bears?"

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What did the white person say to the black person? Nothing because he was black

thumb_up thumb_down -11

There was 3 Men. Who had crashed their car on there way back from the Bar, All 3 of them died. Once they got to heaven, Jesus told him " The better in life you were with relationships,and staying true with one love- The better Transportation you get." Guy one got a Scooter. Guy two got a bike. And Guy 3 got a Mustang. One day, Guy 1 and 2 were on their bike and scooter. And they see Guy 3 upset. "Whats wrong? You got the best transporation in heaven!!" Guy 3 looks up at guy 1 and 2, Then says " I know I do..... But, I just seen my wife on a Skateboard."

thumb_up thumb_down -11

An Australian man walking in Manhattan is approached by another man who pulls out a switchblade and says, "give me your wallet or I'll stab you with this knife!" The Australian man hands over his wallet. A nearby police officer witnesses this the last moment of the mugging, arrests the criminal and returns the Australian's belongings.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops