How do you kill a turtle? You can't, it has a shell for a reason.

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Why did the plane crash? The pilot was a toothpick

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What's worse then getting socks on Christmas? Being murdered by a bear.

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What's the best way to anger a Muslim? Key his car in front of him.

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What's worse than seeing your grandfather dead on the floor? Seeing your grandmother standing over him with a knife

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Q: Whats the difference between a trash can full of dead babies, and a porch? A: A porch isnt in my garage.

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Roses are red, Violets are dead, I climbed through your window, I'm under your bed

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What's the difference between a ferrari and a penis? I don't have a stash of ferraris in my garage.

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have u seen helen kellers dad? A: neither has she

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What's scarier than the most horrifying monster you can think of? The thought of Donald Trump becoming president!

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Why couldn't the blonde turn on the TV? The TV was broken.

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A guy walks into a restaurant and sits down only to realize he is not wearing any pants. Immediately the police are called and arrest the man for indecent exposure. Given there were children in the restaurant at the time, the man is also charged as level 3 sex offender and is held on $100,000 bail. His family receives the news and become the talk of the town. His wife commits suicide from embarrassment, leaving her 10 year old son up for adoption who later gets involved with drugs due to his rough childhood.

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run farther?

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why shouldnt you throw a rock at a black guy on a bike? Just because its not very nice.

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Roses are red violets are blue make me a sandwhich so i can eat it

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knock knock, whos there? billy i dont know who you are, please get away from my front door before i call the authorities

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Patient: Doctor, I was cleaning my glass eye and accidentally swallowed it. Doctor: OK. Lean over and spread your legs. Patient: (Leans over and spreads his legs). Doctor: My God! This is the first time, in all my years of practice, that I've ever seen an asshole looking back at me!

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Jose gutierrez is a gay fish.

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why couldn't the blind man hear? because he was also deaf.

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What do you call an alligator in a circus? Testicular Cancer.

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What's the difference between Republicans and Democrats? There is a series of boxes which one can choose to check on a ballot, officially registering an individual with a certain party. Available parties include the Green Party, The American Communist Party, The Republican Party, and the Democratic Party among others. Republicans choose to check the Republican box, Democrats choose to check the Democrat box. Also Republicans are closet homosexuals and Democrats are terrorists.

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Your mums so stupid. She bought an apple for 35p even though the shop across the road sells them for 34p

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What do you call a kid with no arms and an eye patch? names

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What's worse than a pile of dead babies? The one at the bottom is alive. What's worse than that? He's eating his way out. What's worse than that? He came back for seconds.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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