Roses are red, Violets are glorious, Don't try to surprise Oscar Pistorius.

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why did the slytherin cross the road twice? ... because they are double-crossers.

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when life gives you lemons, force a hobo to eat them because lemonade is going to suck if life doesnt give you any sugar.

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she's a women.

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women and girls can really get enjoyment out of sex. it's not really about controlling the man.

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Q: How much old could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck Wood A:10.6 cubic metes

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Why did the Jewish man leaves a coffee shop without leaving a tip? He was homeless and spent his last cents on the coffee.

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why was there no toothpaste left in the toothpaste tub? someone squeezed it all in a drawer

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An astronaut and a cosmonaut are sitting in a bar, discussing who was better. The cosmonaut says, "We Russians were the first people in space!" The astronaut says, "That may be true, but we were the first to land on the moon my friend." The cosmonaut turns back to the astronaut and says, "Yes, but we shall be then first to ever land on the Sun!" So, the astronaut skeptically asks, "And how do you intend to do that?" The cosmonaut replies, "Simple.......we will go at night." Thank you to David Cross

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Knock Knock! Who's there? No one. No one is ever going to be there for you. Also, you're adopted.

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Why did the boy fall off the swing? He had no arms Why couldnt he get up? He had no legs What did the boy get for Christmas? Cancer What did the boy get for Easter? A funeral Knock, knock Who's there? Not the boy.

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What did Mary say to Vishnikharmut? You're name is weird. What did Vishnikharmut say to Mary? Your grammar is incorrect.

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Three soldiers, one Japanese, one American, and one Italian were stuck in a desert. How did they escape? A rescue squad of thirty trained troops came down in a helicopter and brought them each to their respective homes except the Italian who was actually a M.afia boss so they put him in prison.

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Q: What's worse than not having a good relationship? A: Starving Africans

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OMG YOU BOUGHT ME FLOWERS THANK YOU

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Where did Tommy go after the bomb went off? Everywhere

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What happened when the dinosaur walked into a lake? It got wet

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What did the retarded handicap say to the bully who called him the biggest retard in the world? "atleast I didn't make SOPA"

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Cause he felt like it.

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Whats the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?? The WheelChair

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Why couldn't the mother make her son's funeral? She died in a car crash on the way there.

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how do you stop santa from laughing? snap his neck.

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I was having sex with thisgirl and now I'm going to be a dad. All because I didn't wear a condom

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What did the single woman get for Christmas? Raped.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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