Why did the chicken cross the road? Because chickens are not very intelligent and was scared by a shadow. The chicken's survival instincts caused it to cross the road, away from the shadow. The chicken crossed the road safely, and is now happily pecking at worms.

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Why did Shrek eat the onions? Anyone who has seen the Shrek films would know that Shrek never mentions anything about eating onions. In the first movie, Shrek and donkey have a conversation in which he compares himself to an onion, but the scene lasts maybe a minute and never again does Shrek mention onions in any way, shape, or form. For whatever reason, this one scene has turned onions into the strongest signature icon associated with Shrek.

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Q. How many alzhimers patients dose it take to screw in a light bulb? A. To get to the other side

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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What did the black boy get for Christmas? A bike his parents bought him.

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A muslim and a jew walk into a bar. The muslim proceeds to detonate the bomb he had strapped to his chest, killing himself and dozens of bar patrons.

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A man walked into a bar. He got a concussion and couldn't see strait for days.

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Your face is hilarious.

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Women deserve equal rights.

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How do you call a black guy flying a plane? A pilot.

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Why do people waste time reading these jokes. Because they like anti jokes.

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5 black men walk into a 7-11 at midnight. They clog the all of the toilets in the mens bathroom causing them to over run.

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Why was the lady afraid of rocks? Because her husband was stoned.

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A Muslim walks into a bar. No-one survived the blast.

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Why didnt Stevie Wonder wave back at the white man? Because he's a racist.

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A guy walks into a bar. He meets a girl and they have a great time. He calls her the next day and their relationship continues for many months. Eventually they get married and have children.

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Why can't Hellen Keller have kids? Because she's dead, therefore does not possess the ability to bear children.

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How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb? Assuming the fact that these children are in fact deceased, it would be highly inprobable that they could perform any task. Or that they would need to see any light at all, since the point of that dark room is to keep them concealed.

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A little boy was walking down the street when a strange looking van stopped next to him and the man driving asked the little boy where he lived, where his mother was, and if he wanted a puppy because he had some in the back seat.... The boy proceeded to enter the van. The man then handed the child a puppy and promptly drove the boy home.

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6 in every 9 people find a dirty reference in every joke. This statistic is in fact false, as 5 in 9 people actually find a dirty reference.

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Knock knock. Who's there? Fire extinguisher. Fire extinguisher who? POMEGRANITES.

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u are so............................................................................................................................................................................................gay

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What did the man say when he found a bar of soap in his mailbox? Why is there soap in my mailbox?

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Why did grandpa fall asleep naked on a bench? Because his mental condition is slowly deteriorating which is causing him to not be able to properly determine what is and isn't ok to do in public.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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