Why are pineapples yellow? 82, piano, bomb, lamp!

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What do you say to a rock? Meow

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What did the boy with no arms and legs get for Christmas? A. Treadmil

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Q: How do get a person to leave you alone ? A: Suck out his eye-balls stuff them in your ears to muffle the sound of his screaming as you head-butt him into a fine paste. Then proceed to spread or squeeze sed paste on to delicious food substance and eat sed delicious food substance. Then carry on with the rest of your day like nothing happened. (P.S. Just ignore any letters about court cases or arrests)

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Why couldn't little Susie ride her bicycle? She had Cerebral Palsy.

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What's long and black? A black hockey stick.

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A blonde, brunette, and a redhead walk into a bar. The redhead, growing tired of the constant ridicule directed at her from the other two, kills them. She pleads guilty to 3rd degree murder on two counts and is sentenced two life sentences in a maximum security prison in Cambodia.

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A cowboy rides out to the middle of nowhere and then shoots his horse. He then makes his way back into town and meets a man in the saloon. The man says, "On second thought, I'd like to buy that horse."

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what do you call a black man in a police car? either officer or offender, depending on what role he has in the crime.

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Q: How do you keep a carnival fish for more than a week? A: Place it in formaldehyde when you get home

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Whats from Hattersley? Someone who lives in Hattersley.

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so a piece of grass is walking down the street..... wait a minute thats not right.

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Two hunters are in the woods. One of them clutches his chest, falls to the ground, and loses consciousness. In a panic, the other hunter calls 911 and tells the operator that his friend might be dead of a heart attack. The operator says "Before we send a coroner instead of an ambulance, first make sure he's dead." The hunter says "Alright." There is a pause and then BLAM! "Okay," says the hunter, "now what?" The operator follows standard procedures to keep the hunter on the phone, lucid and calm. 45 minutes later, police reach the scene, arrest the hunter and begin a months-long investigation. Forensics determines that the dead hunter was likely alive prior to being shot in the face at point-blank range. The defendant is charged with first-degree murder and receives a 30-year sentence. On the 9th year of his sentence, he is stabbed in the chest 6 times by an initiate in a rival prison gang and dies the next day. He was 53.

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Why did the black man run out of the shop with items under his jacket? He was shopping for groceries, when his brother texted him, letting him know that his wife had just gone into labour. He then realised that it was a very miserable rainy day outside and he didn't have an umbarella, so he payed for his items, and ran to his car.

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Set up Punch line.

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How many rich men does it take to screw in a light bulb? One, to hire an electrician to do it for him.

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what did the white guy say to the black guy? nothing because hes racist and hates blacks people

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What's the difference between a black man and a Jew? The sandwich is hidden under the couch, and is non-migratory.

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A man named Jake walks into a bar. The bartender says hi jake... The End

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Why did the man feel like he was flying? Because he had just committed suicide by jumping off of a tall building.

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Why did the genie not grant the man his 3 wishes? Genies don't exist, only vampires live in lamps.

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here's my two cents worth! *hands you two pennies , entire life savings*

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A man went to the doctor and told him he was having the strangest dream. "First I was a tee pee Then I was a wigwam A tee pee, a wigwam. Do you have any idea what could be wrong?" The doctor looked at the man and said "You have aids."

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That's not mine! it's bigger and blacker! ...where have i heard this before?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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