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Why do jews get their foreskin cut off? Because they're jewish.

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "Why the long face?" The horse, incapable of understanding the human languages, promptly shits on the floor and leaves...

What is worse than being eaten alive by a shark? Being force fed live goat intestines while Kevin Spacey rapes your father.

Knock knock. The door was not answered because, rather than rapping upon the door with his knuckles twice consecutively, Joseph simply said the onomatopoeia verbs vocally. He intended to wish his neighbor and dear friend of twenty years the best of luck with his current situation, as his neighbor had been recently divorced from a marriage of forty-eight years. Joseph then walked home, because intruding upon his friend's privacy would have befuddled him even further.

My father stole my mothers heart, he's in jail for murder

Q: A squirrel a chipmunk and a spider monkey are fighting over these nuts. Who gets them? A: Your Mom ;p

Q: What is the difference between a pile of dead babies and a ferrari? A: I don't have a ferari in my garage.

www.hurr-durr.com

I'm an old man with Alzheimer's. Ok I'm going to tell you a little story. Well i was walking down the road bout 36 sum odd years ago and the next thing i knew i was........... Hmmm.... i wonder whats in the fridge...

Why did the chicken cross the road? Well it all began in 1807 when a 7 foot rooster gave birth to a chicken on the sidewalk while purchasing ice cream. Scientists have been intrigued so they went into study with it and won the Nobel prize. This somehow persuaded them to lure the chicken over to the other side by using a lollipop. They threw the lollipop as the chicken crossed the road, hit it in the eye, the chicken spazzed out, jumped in front of a car, teleported to London, and is now a gynecologist.

What's the difference between a black guy and a bucket of chicken? A lot.

A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

A bear walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "Can I have... ...a beer." The bartender asks, "What's with the large pause?" To which the bear replies, "I have... ...a speech impediment."

I got on a bus, and immediately found that sitting on a bus is boring. I will never climb on top of a bus again.

What do you call a man with a knife in his back? An ambulance

3 brothers Mohammed, Ahmed and Saahad were on the 09:25 flight from Tehran to New York. They each only carried a rucksack each and a one way ticket. They are Syrian refugees and their parents are dead.

What did the frog say when he heard his family was dead? "ribbit"

What happened to the teenager who was raped and murdered? Who knows? They never found the body.

Knock Knock. Who's there? The police. You're under arrest. The police you're under arrest who? Sir, if you don't open up the door we're going to have to open it ourselves. We have a warrant for your arrest. Sir if you don't open up the door we're going to have to open it ourselves we have a warrant for your arrest who? Sir we are authorized to use deadly force. If you don't comply we will shoot to kill. Sir we are authorized to use deadly force if you don't comply we will shoot to kill wh-

Why was Mary mucky? Because she was dragged to a field and raped

all hail based mark

What did dyslexic Old McDonald say? . . . I have a learning disability that impairs my fluency and comprehension accuracy in being able to read and spell

What do you call a black guy that has a big white coat, an assortment of knives and a couple of women working for him? A doctor