Q: How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: One.

I used to be addicted to soap, but now I'm clean. I'm still addicted to heroin, though. No chance I'm ever giving that up.

A police man pulls over a blonde for speeding. The policeman tells her she was speeding and starts to write a ticket. She get emotional and begins to cry. He writes the ticket, she signs it, and she drives off.

How many bears does it take to screw in a light bulb? None; it’s a fairly menial task requiring little more than a single human hand. Requisitioning any number of bears for the effort would be an extremely dangerous “Rube Goldberg”-esque solution to simple problem.

What do you call a black woman working at a bar? A Bartender. What do you call an asian woman working at a bar? A Bartender.

How do you torture helen keller? Waterboard her.

Have you ever tried Ethiopian food? Neither have they.

How do you minimize the likelihood of theft? Take the derivative.

A fully grown cow walks into a man's house and says to him, "Hey, how have you been?" Traumatized by the vivid circumstances, the man falls to the floor and begins sobbing relentlessly until he passes out onto the floor from a violent mental breakdown.

a girl had just gotten dumped by her boyfriend over a text message. she got very sad and became suicidal

A skeleton walks into a bar and the bartender says why the long face? the skeleton replies I have aids.

What do you call a dog with no legs? Don't matter what you call him he ain't gonna come.

why is my wife crying? because she doesn't like tomatoes

My dad calls me a son of a bitch and I'm like "hey! You married her"

too bad about that wild ball, you otherwise played a fantastic softball game"

What did the fat kid get for Christmas? Diabetes.

Nero I know I am being a selffish bastard, but please let me speak with you for ten more minutes or so, I am sorry but its like part of me do not believe its you, we all saw your corpse, attended your funeral, please stick with me, I just feel flustered vulnerable and stupid.

Why did the chicken cross the street? K

Hurricane sandy should have been named hurricane snooki because it ruined the jersey shore

What happens if you drop a baby of a cliff It dies

So an African American man and another man of Hispanic, more specifically Mexico, are riding in the backseat of a car, who's driving? Probably their private chauffeurs, but most definitely not someone related to the Police Department.

A my dog was a rappa. He recorded a hit. But it had no lyrics, because he is a dog.

There is a very old lady at the bottom of a long flight of steep stairs with a large amount of groceries piled up in her hands. How did she make it to the top?? She walked.

roses are red violets are blue sunflowers are yellow I bet you were expecting something romantic but this is just gardening facts

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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