Guess what day it is!!! Sunday? Monday? Tuesday? Wednesday? Thursday? Friday? Saturday? IT'S HUMPDAY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -15

How do prevent a black man from robbing your house? Lock you doors and perhaps get an up-to-date security system.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

why did rosa parks get moved to the back of the bus? she didnt call shotgun

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Simon says, "I'll give you a five second head start before I mow you down with my AK47."

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Two guys were Arguing. (A & B) A. You suck B. If i suck then you choke. A. The only way id choke is if i smelled your stank ass breathe. B. The only way id have stank ass breathe is if i was liking your moms vagina A. The only way my mom's pussy would stank is if you were liking it. B. The only way id be liking your moms pussy is if it were a dick.... Both stare at each other... and walk off awkwardly

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Hey I just met you, And this is crazy But I just kissed you... And I have rabies!

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Doctor: I'm gunna try to fit your illness into an everyday, normal conversation. Is that okay? Patient: okay. Doctor: how are you? Patient: fine... Doctor: that's weird.. Because you have AIDS

thumb_up thumb_down -15

A penguin is driving through the desert when his car breaks down. He has it towed to a service station in the nearest town to be repaired. The mechanic tells him that it may be a while so he might want to take a stroll around town, find something to do for a while and check back a little later for an update. The penguin decides that as it is so hot in the desert town, and he is accustomed to a much cooler climate, he might enjoy a bit of ice cream. He walks to the local ice cream parlor, orders a large vanilla cone, and proceeds to devour the treat in a flash, covering himself in ice cream in the process. He has ice cream on his flippers, his face, and all down his stomach; he is virtually covered in the white, sticky goo. Upon returning to the service station to check in on the mechanic and his car, the mechanic say to him, "Well, it looks like the seal on your head gasket leaked, the transmission is shot, and you appear to be covered in ice cream." To which the penguin replies, "Yes, I have made quite the mess of myself. Today just isn't my day."

thumb_up thumb_down -15

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop? Depends. Are you applying a lot of pressure and licking in short, round bursts, or are you softly suckling on the treat? Your mouth's pH level is also a determining factor, as the sucker digests at a quicker rate the higher the acid content. To put it simply, there is no correct answer, because the sheer quantity of variables makes it a tootsie-less endeavor. See how I said tootsie-less rather than fruitless? Now that's a real joke.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

What did the pear say to the apple? Fred, you delusions are getting worse and i'm getting a divorce.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Yo mama's so fat she needed a toilet that had a bigger seat (just like me)

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Roses are black violets are black I can't hear anything I'm Helen Keller .

thumb_up thumb_down -15

What did the apple say to the other apple? Nothing, apples are fruits and cannot talk

thumb_up thumb_down -15

yesterday, a girl asked me why a guy is Bro if he bangs alot of chicks, and chicks are hoes if they do alot of guys. i said to her “well, if one key can open a lot of locks, then it is the master key. if a lock can be opened by alot of keys, then it’s a shittyass lock, isn’t it

thumb_up thumb_down -15

A: go away. B: No i won't A: Shutup B: Yes i will not go away A: again, shutup B: I left A: Thank you B: Your welcom A: Thank you for saying your welcome B: Thank you for saying thank you that i'm welcome A: Thank you for saying thank you for saying that I thank you that you're welcome.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

I admit I don't know what the future holds, but one thing I know for sure is that... Lance Armstrong has only one ball.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Yo momma's so stupid, she got a moderately low score on her SATs, and sadly, was not excepted by any colleges she applied to, and never got a job. This is why she became depressed, and resorted to suicide to escape the growing pain.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

roses are red violets are blue i smell meth abkfjbekfhbkfsdshjfbkhb

thumb_up thumb_down -15

What is funny about a cod swimming around alone in the ocean? Nothing, over-fishing is a huge problem in the modern day.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

What did the plane say to the twin towers? Boom

thumb_up thumb_down -15

what is red, yellow, green, blue, purple, and violet? Blood i lied about the other colors...

thumb_up thumb_down -15

I pushed my friend off the bed after losing to him in FIFA 2011. He died.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Q: Have you ever seen Ray Charles wife? A: Nethier has he.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Doesn't matter, had sex. Except for the STD's I possibly contracted.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops