Yo mamma so fat that when she gets in bed she gets sleepy

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Matrix if it had been with (as planned at some stage) with Will Smith. Normal Neo: Yes trinity lets find the others. Smith Neo: Yo pretty lady, lets go find them ho`s and chicken and stuff, then we can like go surfin and driving nuts and all that crackin stuff and then we etc etc. Normal Neo:... Smith Neo: You tellin ME this is your world Smith? Im Anderson yo and the one, Im gonna bitchmack you all and then just whoop you all with my master blaster no kidding buddy I have yellow belt Kung fu yo! Neo: We have to do something. Smith Neo; Yo unless we make a real rap video first we cant do the proper stuff you, why is this place all so green, get some colaaas! Seriously first we get carlton and then he dances his crazy dance while I go boyAAAAAAAAAAAAAAZ with my rap ok?

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When I was in 4th grade, I was fat. The other kids would take my lunch and spit in all the food, then give it back. Teachers started to wonder why I wasn't eating, and soon began to ask me if I was anorexic. I replied, "do I look anorexic!?" I'm now 6 foot 3 and weigh 56 pounds. *FUN FACT: based on a heartwarming true story.

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What's worse than the holocaust? Dropping your biscuit in your cup of tea.

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Why couldn't the T-Rex clap his hands? Because he's dead.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead.

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A man asked a horse "Why such a long face?" The Horse replies "My entire family just died in a plane crash."

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I hate when people see me at the store and are like "What are you doing here??" and Im just like, "Oh, you know, hunting elephants..."

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A duck walks into a bar. The bartender asks " What'll You Have" The duck doesn't respond because it's a duck.

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knock knock whos there? nobody

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Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm not good at poems, nice tits.

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Roses are red, violets are blue I've got Alzheimer's cheese on toast

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In my eyes Nero, you are much like a philosopher, the kind which are mocked while they live, and then a couple thousands years later, are recognized as the most intelligent beings of their time.

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kathryn atkins

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Think of the worst thing you know of and add dead babies

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Your mother is average.

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A black man, a small child, and a priest were all standing in line. They were all checking in the hospital after being in a 3 car pileup

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding a dog in your apple

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what's the difference between a pound of liver and vomit? £3.24

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Why couldn't Billy write his own name... ...because he was wearing purple lemonade???

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A man walks into a bar and sits down. The bartender then lights him on fire.

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Whats the same between an elephant and a grape? They're both purple except for the elephant

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A. Why did the chicken cross the road? B. I don't know, why? A. I asked first.

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there's a worm in my lime at least it doesn't have scurvy

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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