What is the difference between a woman and a whale? One has big whiskers and is fat and filthy, the other one lives in the sea and is a mammal

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Your mamma so jobless, that she needs a job! ~T.J.C.S.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

What's the difference between Stephani and a momma hippo? The mother hippo is slowly but surely losing weight while Stephani is packing on the pounds! :)

thumb_up thumb_down -5

What do you say to a whore with two black guys? How much an hour?

thumb_up thumb_down -5

At his sentencing, a judge tells a convicted murderer that he will be hanged at noon on one weekday in the following week but that the execution will be a surprise to the prisoner. He will not know the day of the hanging until the executioner knocks on his cell door at noon that day. Having reflected on his sentence, the prisoner draws the conclusion that he will survive the hanging. His reasoning is in several parts. He begins by concluding that the "surprise hanging" can't be on Friday, because if he hasn't been hanged by Thursday, there is only one day left - and so it won't be a surprise if he's hanged on Friday. Since the judge's sentence stipulated that the hanging would be a surprise to him, he concludes it cannot occur on Friday. He then reasons that the surprise hanging cannot be on Thursday either, because Friday has already been eliminated and if he hasn't been hanged by Wednesday night, the hanging must occur on Thursday, making a Thursday hanging not a surprise either. By similar reasoning he concludes that the hanging can also not occur on Wednesday, Tuesday or Monday. Joyfully he goes to his cell confident that he has been spared from the hanging. The next week, the executioner knocks on the prisoner's door at noon on Wednesday and prisoner is completely surprised!

thumb_up thumb_down -5

A polar bear walks into a bar, sits down, and says, "Can I have a.........................beer?" The bartender asks, "Why the large pause?" The bear responds, "I have a speech impediment"

thumb_up thumb_down -5

No pen- no notes No notes- no study No study- no good grades No good grades- no diploma No diploma- no job No job- no money No money- no food No food- really skinny Really skinny- ugly Ugly- no wife No wife- no kids No kids- lonely Lonely- death No pen=death

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Why did the student fail his test? He forget to study for it the night before.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Whats worse than a baby stapled to a tree? A tree stapled to a baby

thumb_up thumb_down -5

A blonde, redhead, and a brunette are chatting outside a casino. The brunette directs a joke towards the blonde. "What's the difference between cotton candy and pork chops?" The blonde has heard the joke prior to this encounter and correctly completes it with sign language because she is deaf.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Why did the Jewish man commit suicide? Because he was not happy with his life.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

An airplane's engine suddenly blows up in the middle of its flight. The pilot turns around and sees a blonde and a brunette. He turns to his right and sees only two parachutes. The pilot says "Ok guys, only two-" Then the plane blows up.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

A man with glasses and a cane walks out if a clothing store and accidentally bumps into a woman, knocking his hat off "Can't you watch where you're going?" the woman asks. The man then slaps her, knocking her to the ground. He picks up his new designer fedora, and drives off in his $90,000 Cadillac. The woman, after dusting herself off, gets the guy's plates, convinces a few witnesses to testify against the man, and informs the authorities of an assault. He was later arrested for assault as well as pimping and soliciting sex. He is found guilty in a court of law and is sentenced to 2-5 years in prison, and is doled a hefty fine.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Why's it so bad to be black and Jewish? You have to sit in the back of the oven.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

whats worse than finding a joke in a cracker? finding an anti joke in a cracker.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Twelve billion Nero, you puppy dog you hot blooded latino man. Why cant I control it myself?

thumb_up thumb_down -5

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks "why the long face?" The horse begins bucking wildly, injuring three patrons before breaking through the front door.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

your face

thumb_up thumb_down -5

What happened to the chicken when it crossed the road? Nothing because the cars that almost hit it swerved off the road.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Roeses Are Red, Violets Are Blue, My Name Is Dave, Microwave

thumb_up thumb_down -5

What did the black man do after the white guy told a racist joke? Laugh

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Q: What is the difference between Jimmy and a kite A: Jimmy is higher MR

thumb_up thumb_down -5

whats an aids victims last wish not to have aids

thumb_up thumb_down -5

69

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops