What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pool? Phil, because that's his name.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

What is worse than getting shot in the leg? Getting shot in the head.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

What do you call a horse with bread on its ears? Boris, because that's his name.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Why can't Vampires go out in the sunlight? Because they don't exist.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

What did the sailor say to the shore? Ur a beach!

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Why'd the guy fall off the building? I pushed him

thumb_up thumb_down +23

what goes woof ? A dog.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Knock knock. Who's there? Auntie.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Jack and jill went up a hill to get some water. Jack fell down, twisted his ankle, and continued to roll. He broke his spine and collar bone and he was later taken to the hospital. Later that night he died because the doctors couldn't do anything. Jill then killed herself in mourning.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

There was an old lady from Ealing Who had a peculiar feeling She lay on her back Opened her crack And pissed all over the ceiling The old lady then lay in her own waste for over two weeks due to neglect by uncaring nursing home staff. Six months later, a hidden camera documentary on underperforming care homes exposed the abuse and neglect and the old lady went to live with her son and his family. In the early hours of May 14th 2011, the whole family were killed in a house fire that gutted the home and saw fires spread to neighbouring houses. Firefighters say the blaze originated in the spare room and was caused by exposed wiring on an electrical blanket. Forensic experts said that the repeated urination on the blanket would likely corrode the wiring due to the acidic content of urine.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

"What's up?" "A movie about an old man who takes his house to South America by tying balloons to it, who accidentally brings along a young boy with him and they have an adventure."

thumb_up thumb_down +21

how do you save a black person that's drowning? you blow up their lips

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What is green, and could kill you if it falls out of a tree? A pool table.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

I needed to write an article about heart disease so I did some research. I learned a lot.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Doctor doctor, i think i need glasses! Go to an opticians then...

thumb_up thumb_down +21

a brick cheats on another brick the brick finds out and dose nothing because it is a brick

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What are annoying? Ads.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Why wasn't my friend laughing at my jokes? Because his grandpa is dying.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Q: How do you make Kobie Bryant cry? A: Kill his family.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

How many mathematicians does it take to count?

thumb_up thumb_down +21

hear hear

thumb_up thumb_down +21

When you have read this, you've already read it.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

How do you rescue a fat girl that's stuck under a car? With a pickaxe and a donkey.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What did the kid with no arms and no legs get for his birthday? A basketball.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops