What happens when you give a fat man scissors? He cuts off the foreskin of your penis.

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she's dead.

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Caller:Hello, is this Smellma Pitts Answer: Why yes

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What do you call a black man running really fast down a street? Active.

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69

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I asked the librarian where to find a specific book. She told me where it was.

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Whats more funny than 1 bomb on 8 babies? 8 bombs on 1 baby.

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Why did the black man get some Kool-Aid? Because he was thirsty, and thought Kool-Aid would be able to quench his thirst.

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which is faster a) ferrari b) beetle a ferrari

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Why did the Germans conquer Poland so quickly? Heavy military manufacturing and Blitzkrieg battlefield tactics.

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How do you know when your pizza is ready? When the oven timer goes off, indicating that it is done.

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being sober in a bar fight

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Yo mama so poor that she's having trouble making ends meet without government assistance.

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Two penguins sitting in a bath tub. One says, "Pass the soap." The other says, "What do you think I am, a clock!?!?"

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What did the father say to his son? I'm leaving and I'm not actually your father.

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What does a cannibal do after dumping his girlfriend? Procedes with his long difficult hunt to find another companion who accepts him for what he is, without the fear of being eaten.

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why was the little boy sad? because he had a frog stapled to his face.

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Q: What did the magician do to cure his cold?? A: Took medicine!

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I forgot my joke about gamblers, but i bet you would have loved it!

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Why did the Jewish man commit suicide? Because he was not happy with his life.

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A. Knock Knock B. ... A. Knock Knock B. ... A. DING DONG B. Who's there? A. Me, I tried knocking first but you musn't have heard me, so I rang the doorbell.

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Nero, listen, do not try to imply that you created the Iron man method, that was developed by many people over the duration of many years in the former underground society. You seem far too educated to be the savage you claim to be, if I told you that our people will do the uttermost to see if we can fix that eye of yours and succeed, will you forgive my failure and imperfections as a leader? Look at it this way, I am a leader, not a ruler, what my followers do is up to them, but if they cannot understand that they have to pay the consequences behind their actions, they have no place within the order, as for the expression "my order" it is simply what my many followers like for me to say, not because they are unwilling to take responsibility, but as a token of praise. Our articulations and means of expressing desire and such are very much the same, have you ever been part of our order?

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What do Kim Kardashian and a broken-down horse have in common? They will both eat oats out of your hand.

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Why doesnt mexico have an olympic team? Because everyone who can run, jump, or swim in already in america.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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