At 1:00AM, an old man is woken up by a knocking on the door. 'Knock knock' 'Who's there' 'An orange' The man opens the door to find a talking orange on his doorstep. The man remembers he has Schizophrenia and goes back to sleep.

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So this man is walking down the street. Just walking. Nothing wrong. Suddenly a giant whirlpool appears in the street. The man is sucked in and the whirlpool disappears. Everything's fine right? Right? Yeah, he wanted to die. So every things okay? NOPE. He left the oven on.

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What's the difference between a Mexican and a bench? One is a structure used to support sitting people, the other is a human being native to Mexico.

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the chicken crossed the road. the chicken was then caught by animal control because it was in the middle of a city.

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Why did Dave stop going to the laundromat? Because he was a suicide bomber.

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A man brings his entire family in to meet a show producer. The producer says, "Okay, let's see what you got." The man then proceeds to lead his family through a variety of acts, including showcasing the proper way to drink English tea and how to dress for a polo match. When they finish, the producer asks, "And just what do you call your act?" To which the man replies, "The Aristocrats!"

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Wanna hear a joke? It's here somewhere You looked :D There ain't jokes on Antijoke.com

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My real life is like my iPad I don't have an iPad.

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What did the tiger say to the jellyfish? Nothing; tigers can't talk. And if they could the chances of a tiger meeting a jellyfish would be very slim.

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How are a chicken and a grape similar? They're both round. Except the chicken.

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A bear just broke into my house and im scared…...... Oh wait thats just my 350 pound teacher… now i'm even scareder

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Why did the plane crash Because the pilot was hit in the face with an axe

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What did the white man say to the group of mexicans when a golf ball was coming toward them? 4!

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'Knock Knock' "Who's there?" 'Nobody. Your schizophrenia has become so bad you can barely make it through a normal day without emotionally collapsing. Your social life has dissolved into a world of fear, and your personal relationships have crumbled away before your eyes. Major depression and anxiety are eating you away. You have nothing left.'

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What has 4 eyes and cant see? Mississippi

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A priest was walking home from church one day when he found a young boy crouching naked in the bushes. The priest contacted local law enforcement authorities on his cell phone and proceeded home once they arrived.

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Why did Sarah fall off the swing. I don't know. Why? She had no arms. Knock Knock Who's there? Not Sarah.

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Your momma is so short, she needed my help to reach something off the top shelf.

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What do you call a full refrigerator? A freezer

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What is the difference between a white mans penis and a black mans penis? It doesn't matter, phallic size isn't everything its what you do that defies you.

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What's round and orangey? An orange.

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I took a shower yesterday. You have no idea how hard it was sneaking that thing out of Home Depot.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? I don't know you have to ask the chicken if you speak chicken

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Q: What's the best way to eat lasagna A: With a fork, although a spoon is a fine substitute

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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