Friend: how obsessed are you with harry potter on a scale from 1-10 Me: 9 and 3/4

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What do you call a black man with a gun? Officer.

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What did one dog say to the other dog? Nobody knows as humans are unable to understand the way dogs communicate.

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how many babies dose it take to paint a fence it depends on how hard you throw them

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What did the homless man get for Christmas? Nothing

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pretty soon we'll all be dead

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Why did the man sit on the chair? Because he was tired of standing

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Roses are red Violets are blue Deez nuts Ha goteem

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What is the difference between a trampoline and a pile of dead babies? I take my cleats off when I jump on trampolines

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When life gives you lemons, you go to a therapist and seek help because your dementia has progressed to the point that you are seeing and feeling illusions.

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Why did the koala fall out of the tree? It died from chlamydia.

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Roses are red Violets are FUCKING VIOLET NOT FUCKING BLUE

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A man invented a time machine that didn't work. Because he wasn't a scientist, he was an ice cream man.

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What's worse than dividing by zero? Chuck Norris dividing your face!

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How do you stop a baby from crying? You hit it with an axe.

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The president is invited to a party at Bill's house. Suddenly the house catches on fire. Who survived? No one, they all died.

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Roses are red Violets are blue This poem sucks Because violets are purple

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So, a screw driver walks into a bar, and the bar tender sais "Hey Screw Driver" we have a drink named after you" the screw driver goes, "Really? You have a drink named Bob"

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A talent agency is giving auditions and is just about to rap it up when a family shows up. They reluctantly agree to their "brief" audition given that they had found no suitable talent that day. The routine starts with the father starting 6 chainsaws at once while simultaneously starting a juggling/lumberjacking routine. His beautiful wife proceeds to toss him additional chainsaws (as he continually throws them for dramatic effect) while also maintaining a hypnotizing dance which seems to drain your desire to leave from your very soul. The children take turns jumping in between the chainsaws while doing a silent replay of the movie, "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon." After it plays out the father tosses the final chainsaw up in the air which lands standing straight, quivering in the dust of the studio. The studio manager says, "Why that's an AMAZING act!! I'll sign you right now! What do you call your act?" In response to which, the father shits on his desk.

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Two construction workers are working on the final floor of what will soon be the worlds tallest building. The first turns to the other and says: "Hey tom can you throw me a three quarters hex wrench? i think my set is metric." the second guy turns around and says: "yea, here you go."

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What did the doctor tell his patient? Unfortunately you have cancer.

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man 1 walks by man 2 man 1 says hey buddy whats up man 2 responds do i know you man 1 says no but i saw you seeing a movie on friday man 2 says oh cool but wasn't that movie great man 1 responds ya and man 1 and man 2 become best friends plus man 1 only liked man 2 because he was rich!!!

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What do Michael Jackson and a T-Rex have in common? They're both dead.

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Yo mama is so stupid that she is currently taking courses in a community college to get her degree in business so she can have a well-paying job.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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