Chuck Norris walks into a bar, and asks for directions to the nearest Applebee's.

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How do you get santa to stop delivering presents? Kill your parents.

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Why did the TV fall of a cliff? Because a nice man was donating it to the homeless shelter which hangs over a cliff. The man placed the TV in the back room on the floor. There was a weak spot on the floor and when the fattest homeless person walked over the floor, the floor broke which was a HUGE inconvenience because he TV and the fat man fell through the floor and over the cliff, luckily the TV was plugged in so it was hanging by the cord but an old lady with Alzheimer's forgot that there was a hole in the floor and unplugged the TV so she could clean the switches. In the end the TV fell off the cliff.

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What happened when the little girl said Bloody Mary 3 times in the dark? - She got her head smashed in the mirror, all of her intestines were neatly ripped out and was stabbed to death with No.2 mechanical pencils. Then her parents came home from dinner to find their daughter brutally killed in her own room. They notified police, opened a case and gave up after 12 years of searching for her killer. Both parents cried for the amount of years their daughter had been gone and they both decided to kill each other. The father raped the mom while slitting the back of her neck that led to her head being detached. Then the father left his pick up truck running and through his head toward the engine, which didn't really work. So he went back inside and watched Three and A Half Men.

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tom pauling

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Why did Timmy masticate in front of everyone at the dinner table? If he hadn't, he would have choked on large chunks of food.

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If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests? Quite obviously, still quizzical, being that tests are just longer, harder quizzes.

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What did Tom get for his 5th Birthday ? Nothing, he died when he was 2 years old

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whats the best kind of chocolate bar? a larsbar

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Why did the girl take a shower? Because she was dirty

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Albert <3 Hunter

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Why did Chuck Norris's calendar go from March 31st to April 2nd? There was a misprint

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How do you make a telemarketer scream? Set him on fire.

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Why did the rabbit cross the road? He was attempting vehicular suicide after being told yet again that he was "silly" and "Trix are for kids."

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timmy has no arms knock knock whos there? NOT TIMMY!!!

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Doctor doctor, i think i need glasses! Go to an opticians then...

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What did the fat girl use on Wii Fit? Cheat Codes.

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What is three times more dangerous than war? Three Wars.

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Once upon time the government was corrupt Jk, it always has been

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how did the doctors try to cure stephen hawking? turn him off then back on again

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Whats better than sex? Not dying. Ha

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why did corey cross the road? the green man flashed.

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What is green and had wheels? Grass. I lied about the wheels.....

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What do you call a prostitute with morals? Ironic.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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