Once upon of time, there was an ugly duckling. It was so ugly that everyone died. The end.

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Knock Knock JUST OPEN THE FLIPPIN DOOR ALREADY! I DON"T NEED YOU TO KNOCK AND INTRODUCE YOURSELF EVERY TIME YOU COME TO MY HOUSE!!! Jeez...seriously

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A panda walks into a bar and orders a beer and a hamburger. After he eats he stands up stretches and pulls out a gun shooting everyone in the room but the bartender. The panda puts $20 on the bar and turns to leave. As he walks out the door the bartender asks why the panda shot everyone. The panda tells him to look in the encyclopedia. The bartender looks up panda and he reads: "A rare bearlike mammal (Ailuropoda melanoleuca) of the mountains of China and Tibet, having woolly fur with distinctive black and white markings. Also called giant panda, panda bear." Seeing absolutely nothing in this description that would rationalize the homicides the panda had just committed, the bartender arrived at the reasonable conclusion that the panda was psychotic and having severe psychological problems which probably caused the incident. The bartender couldn't help but wonder if this tragedy could've been avoided had the panda been properly screened for schizophrenia and guns been properly secured in a safe at the panda's mother's house.

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Your moms so ugly, that when i took her out to eat for dinner we built an everlasting relationship. Thats why you call me dad.

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All the kids at school we're playing soccer on a sunny day except Jenny, because she had a headache and didn't come to school that day

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In what way are a pile of deceased children and a Ferrari F430 similar? Neither can be found in my garage, nor anywhere under my possession. As for the Ferrari, this is an unfortunate truth. Due to Ferraris' high level of desirability, and to their low supply, the cost of one such car is much more than an average person can afford. As for the pile of deceased children, anyone in possesion (for lack of a better term, as one can not truly possess another human being, even post mortem) of such a grotesque thing is probably too sick and twisted to be submitting jokes with no apparent climax in hopes of stimulating the minds of the joke's readers sense of humor.

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A blonde boards a plane and sits in first class. Another passenger sees the blonde in his seat and tells her she's in the wrong seat. "I'm not moving!" says the blonde. The passenger calls over the flight attendant. "Ma'am, you're supposed to be seated in economy class," says the flight attendant. "Please come with me." "No! I'm not moving!" The flight attendant informs the pilot. The pilot comes out, whispers in the blonde's ear, and then the two have wild sex, right in the open. Oh my God, you should have been there. She had the most incredible rack ever!!!

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Your mom is so fat that she has high cholesterol. Moral: I AM NOT CRAZY! Said the man to the dog.

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What did Batman say to Robin after they got on the bus? We should have taken the batmobile.

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What do you call a cat up a tree in a party hat? A cat up a tree with a party hat

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What is similar about a goose and newly weds? They both aren't chairs

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What the difference between an apple and a pear One of them is red

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Why was the blonde staring at a container of orange juice? She wanted to make sure that it did not contain any pulp.

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Roses are brown, violets are brown, someone keeps shitting in my garden

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Q: Why can't a tomato fly a plane? A: Cuz it's a tomato

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Why is limety snicket a kike pussy? cuz will ferrell shit in his asshole

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Boy: Are you from Tennessee? Because you're accent sure sounds like it.

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Roses are red Violets are blue One fish two fish Red fish blue fish

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Doesn't matter. He was hit by a semi truck.

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How do you get a clown to shut up? Hit him in the face with an axe

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How many black guys can fit in a minivan? Eight.

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How do you make a businessman cry? Shoot him in the kneecaps.

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Asian son: "I'm using a calculator for my math" Asian mother: "Why not you calculatnow!"

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Do you think the death man heard the one about, oh wait I bet he didn't

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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