Why did the black man quit his job as a rapper? Because he was an admirable father and husband and was willing to sacrifice his passion to provide for those he loved.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

A man walks into his local store, he gets a basket and get a tin of beans, an apple, some kitchen rolls a bag of potatoes and an 8 pack of sausages. He walks to the checkout and the lady working asks him ''Are you single?'' He replies ''Yes, i am actually, how did you know?'' The lady then says ''Because your Ugly as Sin''

thumb_up thumb_down -19

A talent agency is giving auditions and is just about to rap it up when a family shows up. They reluctantly agree to their "brief" audition given that they had found no suitable talent that day. The routine starts with the father starting 6 chainsaws at once while simultaneously starting a juggling/lumberjacking routine. His beautiful wife proceeds to toss him additional chainsaws (as he continually throws them for dramatic effect) while also maintaining a hypnotizing dance which seems to drain your desire to leave from your very soul. The children take turns jumping in between the chainsaws while doing a silent replay of the movie, "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon." After it plays out the father tosses the final chainsaw up in the air which lands standing straight, quivering in the dust of the studio. The studio manager says, "Why that's an AMAZING act!! I'll sign you right now! What do you call your act?" In response to which, the father shits on his desk.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

In the attic lights Voices scream Nothin' seen Real's the dream Leaving the things that are real behind Leaving the things that you love from mind All of the things that you learned from fears Nothin' is left for the years Voices scream Nothin' seen Real's the dream Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Lights, voices scream Nothin' seen Real's the dream Leaving the things that are real behind Leaving the things that you love from mind All of the things that you learned from fears Nothin' is left for the years Voices scream Nothin' seen Real's the dream Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic Toys, toys, toys In the attic

thumb_up thumb_down -19

what did one sandwich say to another sandwich? nothing, sandwiches cant talk

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Coldpaly is a good band

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Why did the clock say 10:30? It was a digital clock!

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Today, my friend threw a lemon at me very hard and hit me in the testicles. FML

thumb_up thumb_down -19

How many tickles can you give an octopus? Ten tickles

thumb_up thumb_down -19

What is hitlers favorite planet: jewpiter

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Woman are equal and deserve respect just kidding they should suck my ****

thumb_up thumb_down -19

In the North people say "once upon a time." What do people in the South say? "Y'all never gonna believe dis shit!"

thumb_up thumb_down -19

A man walks into a haunted house and screams. He had arrows on a nail.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

What's worse than having a zit on your face? Getting blue waffle.. google if you don't know what blue waffle is..

thumb_up thumb_down -19

What is worse than the holocaust Nothing it was fine with the Jews in camps burning and dying

thumb_up thumb_down -19

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a would chuck could chuck wood? Home depot

thumb_up thumb_down -19

What is Hitler's least favorite month? July...

thumb_up thumb_down -19

What did the calculator screen say? Cos0=1

thumb_up thumb_down -19

what did the girl say when she lost her shoe where is my shoe

thumb_up thumb_down -19

what is juicy and smells like juice,but it is not juice? juice. i lied about it not being juice.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Why did suzie fall off the swing? Cause she had no arms. Why didn't she get back on the swing? cause she had no legs. Why didn't anyone help her up? Cause she had no friends. Why did she stay their all night? cause she had no family.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Knock Knock Who's there? 20 20 Who? 24

thumb_up thumb_down -19

whats worse than finding half a worm in your apple? being wrongly accussed of a crime you didnt commit because of your race, and being put on death row

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Why did the man with brain cancer die? He drove his Segway off a cliff.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops