patient: Doctor, doctor, i think i'm a lemon. Doctor: racial segregation and presidency is my middle name.

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Once i was walking down the street when i saw a homeless man As i leant to give him money he jumped up and stabbed me. Now i don't approach drunk strangers with hangovers

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What did the Orange say to the Apple? Hi

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What's the difference between Jordan and Time? Time passes!!

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What happens when a chemist dies? They are given a proper funeral and buried.

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Me: Hey Chris! Chris: WTF.u.c.k

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What's the best way to cross the road? Ideally with your feet and legs, consdiering as disabled people usually don't recommend their unfortunate state of affairs. However there are other alternatives which may or may not be better than common or garden walking, such as crane hire - crossing in a crane bucket in a safe spot; chauffer driven limos, which don't do the straight, direct route, generally; and being carried on a replica of Cleopatra's carry couch (but with modern suspension, unless you prefer the up and down motion)

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A duck walked into a bar and said "ouch."

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Why are plants green? Plants are green due to the chloroplast organelles found in their cells. These membrane bound organelles are exclusive to plant cells and are used to convert sun light to usable chemical energy. This energy is stored in the form of ATP molecules, or adenosine triphosphate. When one of the three phosphate groups of an ATP molecule is removed, the molecule releases the energy put into this bond and becomes ADP, or adenosine diphosphate. Throughout this process, the organelle fulfills its sole function and at the same time gives plants their green color our eyes perceive today.

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Hey Bill, did you know we have a black guy in our family tree? Really? Yeah, he's still hanging there

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What's worse then the holocaust? The sun exploding.

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Roses are Red, They are also white, Infact nowadays with cross-pollination a hugely diverse number of different coloured roses are attainable.

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Why did Helen Keller's dog run away? It didn't. She was capable of loving and caring for a dog.

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What do you call a girl who has slept with five guys? Her name.

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What boy with no arms get on his birthday? Lego.

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What's worse than a baby on a mattress? A baby under a mattress.

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What do you call a man who only eats fast food? Unhealthy.

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how do you make a plumber cry? you pull its pants up

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Why did the Mexican jump of the roof? Because he had a serious meth addiction that was destroying his family and he could not live with the awful things he did to get his fix.

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I knocked on my neighbors door to complain about the horrible smell before remembering I killed him the week before, he has no family and no one will ever know.

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what did the chinese man say to the other asian? he said ??????

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A man finds a woman stumbling around on the street... So he asks sarcastically "what drugs are you on?" The lady starts crying and says "I was raped"

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GUESS WHAT GUESS WHAT GUESS WHAT i farted. : l

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Q.whats the weirdest thing??????? A.woman leaders

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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