Boss: Do you know what lazy means? Employer: Yes, adopting a child.

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Why did the baby cross the road? It's abusive father punted it.

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Why couldn't Scruffy get out from under the car? It had parked on his skull.

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A man came home one day, drunk and feeling horny. He proceeded to the bedroom where he found his wife just getting into bed in a lace bra and sexy underwear. This turned him on even more so he cuddled up to her and whispered seductivly in her ear before kissing her neck. His wife was not in the mood for sex so she shot him

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What do you get when you cross a peanut and a snake? peanutsnake

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Superman, Batman and Spiderman are all in a race. Who wins? Grow up. Superheros aren't real.

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What did Kim Kardashian say when she got a breast implant? DERP!

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What do you tell someone who says they are contemplating suicide? where to find some cheap cyanide

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http://anti-joke.com/anti-joke/popular/a-paper-cut-is-a-trees-last-revenge

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There is a new film coming out, it is a re-make of "Fatal Attraction" The only difference is, it is about two tonnes of antimatter... [L]

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What's blue and orange at the bottom of a swimming pool? A dead baby, why's it there? I popped the arm bands.

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What is the hardest part about rollerblading? Most commonly the balance part.

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Why did the black guy scream? well, he just saw his friend get shot, and there was blood everywhere.

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I never knew I was dyslexic. Then one day I showed up to a toga party dressed as a goat.

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What is brown and gurgles? dead baby casserole

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Poop swing

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If a tree falls down in the forest and no one is around to hear it, does God exist?

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How do you stop a bus? Throw a little child in front of it. If the driver is a loaf of bread, this phrase isn't rather important.

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What do you call a dolphin that drives a Mercedes Benz? Nothing. Dolphins can't drive.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue. I have Alzheimer's, Who are you?

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Why do Jewish people have such big noses? The nucleotides in their DNA are strung together in a certain sequence that makes them have large noses.

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Why was Sally crying? Because she had a frog stapled to her face.

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Why did Max drink the red Gatorade? Because he likes it more than all of the other flavors.

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What do you get if you cross a Kangaroo and a Sheep? They are too entirely different species and cannot be crossbred.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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