Why did Susie fall off the swing? She had no arms Why did Susie drop her ice cream cone? She got hit by a bus Where did Susie go during the bombing? Everywhere Knock Knock "Whos There?" Not Susie

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The situation... Two black men are skiing down the Sahara. The Question... How much syrup does it take to kill a life-guard. The answer... The sunglasses because he never be a porcupine.

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Two Mexicans walk into a bar, The bartender says your hired.

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how do you keep a blonde busy for 7 to 8 hours. you give her m&m's and tell her to spell a word.

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How do you kill a blond? Stab her repeatedly 10 consecutive times in the head with a knife.

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"your momma's so fat that she died in her sleep last night," said the doctor. "There was nothing we could do."

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Why was the man crying? Because he was punched in the stomach.

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Whats the difference between a dead cat and a woman. The cat had a life.

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why was the old woman angry? fig pudding.

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Q: whats worse than a Muslim? A: a Jew

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A mushroom walked into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve your kind here." The mushroom said, "What? I'm a fungi." The bartender said, "Exactly. It's a health hazard. I already have two strikes and if I lose the bar my wife will divorce me."

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Q; Why did the gas station attendant scream when 3 black men walked into his store? A: It was his surprise birthday party.

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A mama cow was sitting in the barn with her 3 babies. The first baby cow goes "Mom, why did you name me Daisy?" "Because a Daisy landed on your head when you were born" The second calf goes "Mom, why did you name me Rose?" "Because a Rose petal landed on your head when you where born." The third calf says "Aasdfghoiuytfghjkuiy" The mom replies "Shut up brick"

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What did the kid with no arms and no legs go for christmas? Cancer

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Why couldn't Timmy ride his tricycle? He was run over by a bus.

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Knock Knock! .... Knock Knock! ... There seems to be nobody at home...

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What did the cat say to the elephant? Meow.

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Jesus Christ walks into a bar and the bartender says "Holy crap it's Jesus!" and everyone quickly updates their Facebooks.

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What drink is dark yellow and freshly squeezed from one of the most healthy snacks? Piss.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? why? Womens rights

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A Muslim walks into a bar. BOOM

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A priest, rabbi, and mormon are arguing about which religion is best. A zookeeper hears and says, "I have a bear who is sleeping right now. How about whoever converts the bear belongs to the best religion?" The priest goes in first, and then walks out a few minutes later, unharmed. The mormon does the same, and he too exits unscathed. The rabbi goes in, and walks out covered in claw marks. "How'd it go?" Said the zookeeper. "Easy." Said the priest. "I just sprinkled some Holy water on him." "I did the same." Said the mormon. The rabbi looked at the zookeeper and said, "have you ever tried to circumcise a bear?"

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What did the poor family eat for thanksgiving? Food

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guess what? chicken butt.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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