Roses are red, Violets are blue, I've got a gun, get in the van.

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Why did two girls need one cup? they didnt feel like washing an extra dish to drink their coca cola

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a catfish? one's a scum-sucking bottom feeder, the other is a lawyer

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WHATS FASTER THAN INTERNET BUSTA RYMES

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Q: Why did Sally keep falling off the swing? A: She had no arms. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Sally.

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An anti-Semite, a Jew and an American walked into the bar. The barman said: "Hi, Sara".

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why did Kanye interrupt Taylor Swift at the VMA's? because he had a little too much scotch before the ceremony

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Jack be nimble. Jack be quick. But Jack still couldn't out run that bullet.

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Q: Why do blondes wear hoop earrings? A: Those that wear them think that said earrings positively accentuate their physical appearance.

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What is the difference between a pizza and a Jew?

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When is a door not a door? When it is thrown away. Then, it will likely decompose in a landfill or be recycled into another product. In either case, it will no longer be a door.

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What did John say to Tim Hi I'm John

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Did you see Helen Keller's doll house? No... Well it's really nice!

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Roses are red Violets are blue i have aides egg

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In particle-joke physics, the antijoke is the extension of the concept of the antiparticle to the joke, where the antijoke is composed of antiparticles in the same way that the normal joke is composed of particles. Furthermore, mixing jokes and antijokes can lead to the annihilation of both, in the same way that mixing antiparticles and particles does.The result of antijoke meeting jokes is an explosion.[1]

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Why did the asain fail his tests? They weren't math tests...

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If you have three ice-cream cones, and you give away two, how many do you have left? Why would you give away your ice-cream? Eating it is the better option.

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What's the difference between a good anti joke, and a bad anti joke? There literally is no good anti joke.

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Q:why did jimmy fall of a swing? A:Because someone threw a fridge at him

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womens rights

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Q: What's the difference between Rush Limbaugh and the Hindenburg? A: One is a huge, flaming, Nazi gasbag, and the other is a drug-addicted talkshow host.

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Why couldnt rex bark??? because he was a fish!

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What is the first letter of the alphabet? A. a B. 7 C. Mustard gas D. Because a penguin has 2 legs

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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