No smoking No eating No drinking On this bus Didn't say anything about sniffing

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Roses are red Violets are blue Carnations are cheap and they will not get you a blow job.

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What happened when the princess kissed a frog. Warts, all over her lips

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"How high are you?" "I don't know, sir." "Well, look at the god damn altimeter."

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Repeat after me: Silk, Silk, Silk, What's the square root of 465?

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What's the difference between a truck full of bowling balls and a truck full of babies? One's used for bowling and the other's just sad.

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Why'd the gay man get fired from the sperm bank? He was repeatedly late to work.

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A white man, a black man, and a brown man are all in an elevator. The white man laughs "this is like the start to a racist joke or something." The other two men strangle him because he is white.

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Your mom is so fat that her every day life if a struggle and she has to get gastric bypass surgery or else she is going to die

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Whats the definition of not winning? Charlie sheen losing custody of his son because he is a coked out, old man douche bag, who only gets told what he wants to hear because he forks out lots of money to gold digging hookers.

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What did the lady say after she returned home from the grocery store? "Oh no! I forgot the milk!"

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A man walks into a bar with an MP5 and proceeds to fire thirteen bullets into a crowd of people, several unarmed bystanders attempt to disarm the gunman but they are promptly ordered to stay back or they too would be fired on, a witness reports gunfire coming from down the street to local emergency services and they arrive quickly, organising a perimeter around the bar, county sherriffs decide it would be safest to wait for a swat team, as reports indicated the gunman may have hostages, however the gunfire appears to have ceased an noone has entered or exited the building since police arrived on scene. As SWAT arrives on scene and media helicopters circle above, a person emerges from the bar and the gunman appears behind him, he shoots and kills the hostage and then turns the gun on himself, the death toll reached sixteen including the gunman and as many as fourteen people were injured. there was no clear motive to the massacre, but a search of his appartment indicated he was tired of one-liners on typical joke sites and felt his wife's betrayal with his best friend was too much to bare and he simply snapped after losing his job in the current economic situation.

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What do call something that looks exactly like a turtle but is not a turtle? A picture of a turtle

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Three men on a journey stop at a farm and ask the farmer if they might be allowed to stay the night. The farmer consents upon one condition: that the visitors not lay a hand on his daughter. The men respected the farmers wishes and left in the morning.

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What do you call a man with a Club approaching a Seal Very Strong considering he can hold a building

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Everyone believes in something. If you believe "you'll have another drink," you may be an alcoholic.

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I wonder what mute people say to themselves. :/

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Sigh, everybody in the world hates me :( Moral: Seven billion people? Realy?

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A horse walks into a bar, the bartender asks "Why the long face?". The horse being a horse and doesnt understand english is confused and scared by its surroundings it gallops away knocking over a few tables.

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A muslim walks onto a plane. He goes to 13C as that is his seat designated on his ticket.

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What do you call a dear with no eyes? A no-idear

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why did bob eat the cookie? because he was hungry

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Why didn't the boy go to the bathroom? His mother was taking a well deserved bath.

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Why did Hitler kill himslef? He saw his gas bills.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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