- Knock Knock. - Who is it? - I am - I am what? - I am dying please help me. - Sorry, I don't speak with strangers.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Pansies are purple, Nothing rhymes with purple.

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whats worse than having ants in your pants? getting sotomized by a lightsaber

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how much swag could a swagchuck chuck, if a swagchuck could chuck swag?

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why does the pie have apples in it? it was apple pie.

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A man walks into bar carrying a nondescript glass bottle of beer. The bartender speaks up in a harsh tone "We don't allow outside drink here buddy! If you're drinking here, you're buying it from here! The man replies, "Oh I'm sorry, it's just that this isn't a normal beer. Every time you take a swig from it, you are granted one wish!" The bartender, who is at this point getting visibly irritated, "I ain't got no time for fairy tales. Screw off!" The man seemingly unfazed by this anger tells him, "I'm not any kind of liar. I have three sips left. You can have them if you want." The bartender snatches the bottle with his unwashed hands from the man. "Fine" he says gruffly "I'll drink your magic beer." He thinks for a brief minute and says to himself, "I wish I had an expensive sports car." and takes a drink from the bottle. No later then a second later, a Ferrari pulls up into the driveway. It is a sleek and dark red color. It was of the latest model and did not have a single scratch whatsoever. The bartender's eyes pop wide open in astonishment and he quickly makes his second wish, "I wish I had a beautiful girlfriend!". And he took another drink. No later than five seconds, A leggy 5'7 blonde bombshell steps out of the entrance. She dons a short white skirt, Long red stiletto heels and a jet black spaghetti strap top. The bartender starts to sweat and looks a little nervous. "And my final wi-EUGHAAAHGGHHH!" The bartender collapses from the floor drooling from the mouth. It turns out that the liquor he was drinking was 180-proof alcohol that his old liver could not take. The blonde woman steps back and lets out a disgusting shriek. "Ewww, this old ugly hobo just ODed on the floor. Can we go somewhere else for drinks Jeremy?" Her boyfriend replies, "Yeah good idea babe. This place looks a trash heap anyway. You deserve better." The couple do not hesitate in stepping into their sleek red Ferrari and driving off. The man who had given the bartender the beer proceeded to check the dead man's pockets and rob it of all of it's contents. Nobody ever caught the man, and not a single person in the bar cared enough about the bartender to call 911. Moral of the story: Magic does not exist and life sucks.

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Knock knock Who's there? To To whom? No, its To Who now, since I married

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Why did h little boy drop his ice cream? Jerry Sandusky was behind him.

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two peanuts were walking down the street one was assualted

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What did the lawyer say to the doctor? - I am a lawyer and you're a doctor.

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What's the difference between a Mexican and a pizza? A pizza can feed a family of four.

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How many Women's Rights activists does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They can't change anything.

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What's worse than finding a hair in lasagna? An earthworm crawling into your ear and feeding on your intestines.

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What's the difference between a microwave and hamster? They're both furry except for the microwave

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knock, knock who's there you yoohoo i don't like chocolate milk!

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Two black guys are in a car. Who is driving? One of the black guys.

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Unfortually last night Andrew McNeil was studying soo hard that his head exploded and the next day at school, his friends found out and then cheered with laughter and happieness.

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How do prevent a nun from walking through a revolving door? Put a spear through her head.

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How do you get a blonde to tell time? By asking her what time is it.

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breasts

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What does an orange and a lemon have in common? They are both orange, exept lemon

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A man walks into a pole and says "I know, this pun is lame"

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the best time to wear a striped sweater is all the time

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Why did the black man kill himself? Because he had a very serious case of depression brought on by his recent divorce

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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