Knock Knock. Who's there? The police. You're under arrest. The police you're under arrest who? Sir, if you don't open up the door we're going to have to open it ourselves. We have a warrant for your arrest. Sir if you don't open up the door we're going to have to open it ourselves we have a warrant for your arrest who? Sir we are authorized to use deadly force. If you don't comply we will shoot to kill. Sir we are authorized to use deadly force if you don't comply we will shoot to kill wh-

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A elderly man was driving down the freeway when he got a call from his wife. He answered the phone and his wife said "Be careful dear, I just heard on the news that someone is driving the wrong way on the freeway." The wife then heard a loud crash over the phone as the drunk driver going the wrong way slammed head first into her husbands car, killing them both intstantly.

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I am strangling you. Do you see my arms? I AM FREAKEN STRANGLING YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

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What happens when you take a break from reality? Nothing, it's impossible, unless you live in a virtual world.

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What does the black guy look for when he goes shopping? Some soap for his dead cat in the living room.

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Charlie Sheen

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What do anti-jokes and a can of corn have in common? Both can be stored indefinitely and accessed and enjoyed at will.

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a guy walkied into a bar... he really got hurt

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teacher: what is your name? student: some people call me attractive (mx)

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Q: How many Jews are there in Germany? A: None, they all died in the holocaust

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I cried because I had no shoes until I met a man with no feet... ...then I made fun of him and laughed.

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What's the difference between a blonde and a microwave? If you don't know the difference you need a psychiatrist.

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Bläeghen-Fassybìll-No?cheb!

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Why did the plane crash? Because the pilate was a loaf of bread.

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I woke up in bed with someone this morning. I forget why this is a joke, but your mother is a whore.

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What's the difference between 50 dead babies and a three-course meal? One of them can feed me for a day and the other is a three-course meal.

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Why can't Timmy go on any rollercoasters? Because he's morbidly obese and it would a safety hazard.

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What's the difference between a ferrari and pile of dead babies? I don't have a ferrari in my garage.

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Whats worse than forgetting your first homework assignment of the new school year? Being hazed on the first day of school to the point where you seriously consider suicide

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Faithful men.

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What is grosser than somebody eating their own booger? Someone else eating that persons booger

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So a boy walks into a bar. He broke his arm and now is severly crippled

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"When there's something srange, in your neighborhood... who you gonna call..?" The cops

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What happens to a fish with no fin on the right side? It repeatedly swims in circle.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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