Mac, or Big Jim, as his friends call him, follows the same routine that he has every day for the last several years. His days are always typical and very rarely differ or have any excitement thrown in the mix. It usually starts off by him waking up next to his wife, whom was always giving off a potent and delightful smell. This happens because she has a certain shampoo that makes her much more pleasant-smelling than the normal person, especially as she sleeps. So Big Jim then takes his pillow and throws it at her head. She usually wakes up thinking that he is trying to be a nuisance because of that, even though what follows next has happened every single time for the last few years. He continues to lightly hit her with the pillow until she, in a delightful flurry of feathers, begins to strike back. After a fun and good-looking pillow fight, he then proceeds to the bathroom to urinate and then wash his hands. After this, he then brushes his teeth and gets dressed. He goes to work and is encouraged by his boss every day for his astonishing effort and is then threatened to be promoted if it improves any more by the end of the month. He is always being encouraged by his boss because he does as much as he can do at the Woman's Abuse Shelter. He cares. But, at the end of the month he is never promoted because he threatens to take his boss's daughter out for ice cream - of whom he has fresh photos of her most recent farting accident as proof of his promise. His boss found this quite creepy and inappropriate. Normally, someone would go to the police, especially when there is photographic evidence, but the police chief is too busy to join them for ice cream and the only detective in their small town moved away four months ago. This caused a problem because the ice cream was never disposed of since the only ice cream man died one day prior due to old age. He was 79 at the time and well-loved by the community. After work, Big Jim then went home and his wife hugged him with delight. After dinner with his wife, Big Jim went to bed and had a good night's sleep.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Mack: Hello Jonathan: Hi Mack: My name is Mack, what's your name? Jonathan: My name is Billy Mack: You liar! I'm reading this post at anti-joke.com and whenever you reply, your name shows Johnathan! Johnathan: Well Mack, I guess you broke the 4th wall. By the way, this joke is over in 3, 2, 1...

thumb_up thumb_down +7

why girl die cancer

thumb_up thumb_down +7

I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger. Then I got stabbed.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

what do you call a child with bruises on his face? Child protective services.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What's blue, white and red all over? Not a duck.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

there's a worm in my lime at least it doesn't have scurvy

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Where did the little boy go on vacation? His mother's funeral.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

An ant walks into a bar. Nobody Notices...

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why couldn't Sophie brush her hair? She had leukemia

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why did the baby cross the road? Because it was stapled to the chicken.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Your uncle jack just helped you off a horse. Now it's your turn to help your uncle jack off a horse.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

I like my women like bacon. Greasy and full of wrinkels

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What did the farmer say when he finally found his tractor? 'Where's my tractor?'

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why did Johnny fall of the Swing?? Because i hit him with a shovel

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why did Sally fall off the swing? I hit her with a shovel.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why do Squirrels accidentally plant millions of trees. Because they bury their nuts and forget where they are.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why did the retarded guy follow the 7 year old? Because he's a stalker.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

what does dana do in her free time? make love with jarrett

thumb_up thumb_down +7

It was Jimmy's 18th bday so his parents let him have the house to himself. He ate shrooms, fucked his turtle, then had his dick bitten off.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

whats worse than a friend asking you if their ugly, telling them to look in the mirror.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

why was the teenage girl crying? She was molested as a child

thumb_up thumb_down +7

:Knock Knock :Don't be stupid there's no door here.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops