"What did one Chinese say to each other" "I don't speak chinese.......!"

thumb_up thumb_down -43

What did the doctor say to his patient? You have 2 weeks to live.

thumb_up thumb_down -49

A rabbi, a nun, and a homosexual walk into a bar. They proceed to get drunk, and party like its 1972. Oh yeah. And your dad was just killed by a refrigerator.

thumb_up thumb_down -63

what do you call a blonde skeleton in the closet? last years hide and go seek champion

thumb_up thumb_down +42

Roses are red Violets are blue I'm bad at poems... Nice tits

thumb_up thumb_down +40

How does an asian man drive? He hops into the car, turns the ignition, slowly accelerates from his parking spot and merges into everyday traffic

thumb_up thumb_down +40

full house should of been called black jack, because the Olsen twins started getting hit on at age 8 and didn't stop til they were 21

thumb_up thumb_down +38

An astronaut and a cosmonaut are sitting in a bar, discussing who was better. The cosmonaut says, "We Russians were the first people in space!" The astronaut says, "That may be true, but we were the first to land on the moon my friend." The cosmonaut turns back to the astronaut and says, "Yes, but we shall be then first to ever land on the Sun!" So, the astronaut skeptically asks, "And how do you intend to do that?" The cosmonaut replies, "Simple.......we will go at night." Thank you to David Cross

thumb_up thumb_down +38

q:What do you tell a deaf person? a:nothing.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

What do you call a midget driving a train? A conductor

thumb_up thumb_down +36

A fireman walks into a bar. Everyone has burned alive already, and he's too late to save them.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

A dyslexic atheist stays up at night wondering if there is a Dog

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Did you know that onions is the only food that makes you cry? Oh? Really? Positive. what if I threw a coconut at you're face. ...

thumb_up thumb_down +32

what do u say when u steal something? STOLEN!!!!!!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Anti-jokes are funny.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

I found out I had asthma earlier today. I was breathless.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

So a platypus walks into a bar. He orders a drink and then goes home drunk. His wife doesn't approve of his drinking, so she took her children then left. The lonely platypus wandered around for days on end in the lonely silence. He realized he wanted a job, but he couldn't get one, and i lied. it wasnt a platypus. it never even haooened i wasted your time.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

89 bottles of beer on the wall, 89 bottles of beer, if one alcoholic passes the wall, 0 bottles of beer on the wall!

thumb_up thumb_down +30

A man walks into a bar. He orders a Guinness.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Roses are red. Violets are blue. Incorrect. Violets are violet. DERP!

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Why did John get hard? He froze to death

thumb_up thumb_down +30

What's the difference between an iPhone and a Samsung Galaxy? Google it, there are many differences.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

A man wakes up after a long night with a girl he recently met. He pulls out a cigarette, and looks for his lighter, but can not find it. He asks the girl if she has a lighter and she replies "There might be some matches in the top drawer of my dresser." He opens the top drawer and finds some matches.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

A man walks into a bar and probably sustains serious head injuries and possibly a concussion as most bars are usually made out of solid metals such as iron or steel and is therefore not permitted by his doctor to engage in sports or other rigorous activities for an allotted period of time depending on the degree of his injury.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops