roses are red , violets are blue, lick my dick , or lick my dick

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why did the kid drop his toy? a dog was ripping out his throat

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What is the difference between a Jew and a pizza? The pizza doesn't scream when it goes into the oven.

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Why did the man eat a human heart? Because he was part of a dangerous, religious cult.

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An englishman, a scotsman and an irishman walk into a bar together. They sit down at the bar, and the barman says, "What is this, some kind of joke?!"

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Whats black and runs really fast? Usain Bolt

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Q: why wasn't the fan spinning? A: because it wasn't on. Duh....

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So an Alex Gedrose walks into a bar, and orders peanut butter and jelly toast on buttermilk with extra Linda on the side.

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guess what>? your mum lol

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what did Cinderella say when she got to the ball? "Grggglgluglguggarglegerrrllggglge"

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Why was the phone wearing glasses? It lost its contacts!

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What's worse than finding your whole family dead? Nothing. Finding your family dead is terrible.

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Q- what did the magician say after the sawed the woman in half ? A- call an ambulance !

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How does a black man have sex? He inserts his penis into his partners vagina, then slides it out, then inserts it back in, and repeats this motion untill he has reached his climax and ejaculates!

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Why was the little girl crying Someone therew a dump truck at her

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sandwich. roller coaster. brain sprout. cholera, meander. time. rivet.porcupine. mayonaise. frying. x-ray forever.

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What happened to the child who's mother drank and took drugs while she was pregnant? Dead.

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What do you call a horny blond on the corner? A prostitute

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A man walks into a bar with tears rolling down his cheeks. The bartender asks why are you so blue? The man says he has blue skin disorder and that everyone has been making fun of him...

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What did the 3 month old puppy get for Valentines day? Heart Worms. What'd he get for Christmas? Put down.

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Billy was taking a stroll in the forest, when suddenly he met a bear. Billy remember what his father had taught him, and quikly lied down on the ground, pretending to be dead. The bear started licking Billy's face. Still he remained calm. The bear bit off Billys finger. Still he did not move. When the bear ate Billy's foot, he nearly panicked. But thinking of his wife and children he mustered his last remaining strenght, and did not move a muscle. If he tried to run or fight the bear he would surely die and never see them again. Then the bear ate Billys head.

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A duck walked into a bar and said "ouch."

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What is white, black, and red all over? A: A zebra being slaughtered.

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Why was Joseph Kony at a primary school ? It was 3 o'clock and his children had just finished a long hard day learning to read and right and it was his turn to pick them up after him and misses Kony developed a schedule one late night after the odd glass of wine or two.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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