What did the homeless man get for Christmas? Frostbite. He died the following day.

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Roses are Red And sometimes yellow My mother is mellow I have terminal cancer. I also fisted my grandpa's anus last night

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1: Knock Knock. 2: Who's there? 1: To. 2: To Who? 1: To whom.

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mary poppins' handbag is full of dick

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What do you call a fat, ugly kid? An unloved child.

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Why did the man steal the little girl? He didn't. She was his daughter and they were driving home after picking up the groceries.

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How many jews can you put in a four seat car? two in the front two in the back.

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Why was the girl distressed by the photo of her boyfriend's mutilated corpse? Because it was out of focus.

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Q:Why did the black man fall down? A: he got hit in the face by a refrigerator

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Q: Where does Cher sit? A: I have no idea.

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Q. Which famous celebrity has had the most children over the last 10 years? A. Michael Jackson

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Whats worse than tripping? Getting shot

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Did you hear about the guy with no legs? He had them blown off by a tank shell in Afganistan.

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An Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman walked into a bar. The Englishman ordered a lager, the Irishman ordered a Guiness, and the Scotsman ordered tap water.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the first monkey. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Peer pressure.

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An anti-Semite, a Jew and an American walked into the bar. The barman said: "Hi, Sara".

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What did the woman say when her boyfriend asked her to marry him? Idk my bff jill.

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What is funnier then 25 9/11

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Why did Suzie fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock, Knock. Who's there? Not Suzie

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What did the student say to the teacher, after being assigned homework? This isn't my best subject, can I stay after class for tutoring?

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Halt! Who goes there?! It is I, Prince Ali Ba Ba of Yo mamas house. To what do I owe this pleasure of your kindness? I come to you with gifts, relics, and spices. All these can be yours if the price is right. Surely there must be a mistake here. How do you go about by and by without a horse? Are you who you say you are? English mothafucka do you speak it?!!! What is this mothafucka do you speak of? Say what again, I dare you! I double dare you mothafucka say what one more goddddam time. Oh wait stop, hammer time...

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A horse walks into a Bakery and asks "Do you have any wheat bread?", and the Baker replies "No, we only have white bread." So the horse says: "Thats okay, I rode my bike today."

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Hello everyone, if you couldnt tell, the most popular joke was removed because it wasnt even an antijoke, if you have a joke that isnt an antijoke, post it somewhere else, if you dont know what an antijoke even is then get the f*ck out, thumbs up if you agree with me

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Son: Dad what does it mean to f***? Dad: Jimmy! don't use that kind of language.. use the word chainsaw instead. Son: Ok, well what does it mean to chainsaw? Dad: Well as you know, God created people, he started with Adam and eve and then he- Son: You keep referring to god as a he, are you suggesting that God has a penis? I guess that would explain the big bang theory... right? get it? Dad: ... Go chainsaw yourself, Jimmy.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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