What's worse than finding out that your dog has worms? Finding out that you have worms.

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Yo momma so old that she should be concerned about mesothelioma and asbestoses, as she may have lived during a period of increased asbestos use. She may also be at risk of osteoporosis and should take vitamin supplements daily to improve her rapidly deteriorating health.

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You are so ugly that when you were born the doctor didn't say anything to your mother because he has social manners.

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How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop? Depends. Are you applying a lot of pressure and licking in short, round bursts, or are you softly suckling on the treat? Your mouth's pH level is also a determining factor, as the sucker digests at a quicker rate the higher the acid content. To put it simply, there is no correct answer, because the sheer quantity of variables makes it a tootsie-less endeavor. See how I said tootsie-less rather than fruitless? Now that's a real joke.

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What did the man's ex-wife told him after their divorce? "Build a bridge and get over did" And so he did because hes a contractor that specialized in structures spanning and providing passage over a gap or barrier, such as a river or roadway

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, your parents are dead they never loved you! I found this one on facebook and i just found this site and all yall got some good jokes LOL

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Well... My reputation is still kinda exaggerated apparently. What you experienced is called astral projection, some people claim it is the same as lucid dreaming, I beg to differ, the difference is vast. You basically just admitted that people believe much more in you, than you believe in yourself, without believing hypnosis does not work, people are like "bah its just suggestions", its true, but underestimating the power of suggestions is a pretty bad call.

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What did the father say to his son, who incidently shot his brother while they were playing with a gun home alone? "It happens." He then hung himself.

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Roses are red. Violets are purple

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How many armless people does it take to change a lightbulb? I dunno, that's why I asked you... Hello?

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FUCK YOU SAY FUCK YOU SAY SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH THATS WHAT I FUCKING SAID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Knock knock Get off my porch homo

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A man is sitting on a park bench crying. A blonde walks by and asks him why he's sad. The man proceeds to explain he just lost his children in a custody battle with his ex wife.

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Q: IMAGINE that your in a heart racing battle with a huge grizzly bear when suddenly a bird picks you up and carries you to china and leaves you on the adge of a cliff which then you are chased by warriors and are forced to jump off the edge. What do you do? A: Wake up

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What's the difference between a horse and a chicken? They're different species and also the chicken is female, while the horse I was referring to is male.

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Tin is a chemical element with symbol Sn (for Latin: stannum) and atomic number 50. It is a main group metal in group 14 of the periodic table. Tin shows chemical similarity to both neighboring group-14 elements, germanium and lead, and has two possible oxidation states, +2 and the slightly more stable +4. Tin is the 49th most abundant element and has, with 10 stable isotopes, the largest number of stable isotopes in the periodic table. It is a silvery, malleable other metal that is not easily oxidized in air, obtained chiefly from the mineral cassiterite where it occurs as tin dioxide, SnO2.

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Why did the Jews go into the shower? Because they had just finish a basketball game and they needed to freshen up.

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Why did the boy throw the clock out of the window? Because it was broken.

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How do you kill a mime? Shoot him in the face.

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whats worse than a baby in a dumpster? A baby in ten dumpsters.

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Best reaction to Anti-humor joke me: whats green and has wheels Friend: idk Me: Grass i lied about the wheels Friend:wow dick

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What do you call someone who is bad at hand eye co-ordination? Dispraxic

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How do you stop a black man from drowning? Take away his glass of water.

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They say time heals all wounds, yet my leg still had to be amputated.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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