Q: How do you make a five year cry twice? A: There are many ways, as children are generally not that adept at controlling their emotions. Loud noises, threats of violence, images of scary monsters... those tend to work. Be sure to let them stop crying before making them cry again, otherwise you will have only made them cry once.

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Why didn't Sarah come to school today? She had a heart attack and died.

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A seal walks into a club. The man proceeds to skin it and sell the fur for profit.

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a termite walks into a bar and asks, "wheres the bar tender?"

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Osama bin Laden walks into a bar. Just joking, he's dead.

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Whats the same about a jew and firewood? They both burn.

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sfdg

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what do you call a dog with no legs. It dosent matter it wont come

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Two men are talking: Bob: "Do you like fishsticks?" Joe: "Yes I do." Bob: "Your a gay fish."

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Why was the little boy sad Because he has depression from his father beating him over and over every time he comes home from school...

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Q: What do you get when you mix root beer with a cloud? A: Nothing, you idiot.

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"New season of Dr.Phil. How does that make you feel?" ANGERY!!!!!

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You can teach a man to fish but you cant teach a fish to man

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your mom gave me head.....phones

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why did the clown cross the road? to kill everyone in the dark knight midnight premiere

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a man walks into a bar, when he leaves he thinks he can hold his liquor and kills a mother and two children attempting to drive home.

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What do you call a police officer who kills a black person? Innocent

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Q:Whats not funny? A: Antijokes

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What happened to the fat japanese guy? His house was destroyed by the earthquake.

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How do you make a dick popsickle? ...IDK! I am asking you because you look gay.

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A devout Christian dies. Peter winks as his soul passes through the impenetrable Gates of Heaven. Everyone is gay and– like, gay as in happy– Fags aren't allowed in Heaven.

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A man walks to his coathanger and shouts: "I AM GOING TO THE STORE!" his wife says not to because the Rapist 'Eggman' was out again. He says he will be careful. On his way to the store, he hears "They are the Eggmen, I am the Eggen-" but the man shouts "AND I'M THE WALRUS, SO SHUT UP AND GET OUTTA MY FACE OR I'LL KOO-KOO KOO-JOOB YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN!" Rapist and the singer became friends and found two more from Liverpool who were excellent musicians. They formed the band 'The Beatles'. The Eggman shot the Walrus in 1980 after the band's breakup.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have altzhiemers Cheese on toast.

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It's all shits and giggles until someone giggles and shits.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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