- Anti Joke

Its true... Chuck Norris has no hair on his balls. Because hair doesnt grow on steel.

Where did tommy go during the bomb? Everywhere. he was a cripple and couldnt make it to the bomb shelter.

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? Depending on the amount of saliva you produce each lick the answer to this question varies species to species.

How many Haitians does it take to change a lightbulb? Typically one, unless the light bulb referenced is in an inconvenient location or is over-sized / industrial grade.

How do you torture a turtle? If you came up with an answer to that question you are completely and utterly unethical and immoral.

Knock knock Whos there An axe murderer oh sweet come on in.... dinners on the stove and i am here all alone

what's worse than a dead baby? a pile of dead babies. what's worse than a pile of dead babies? a pile of dead babies with a live one underneath. what's worse than a pile of dead babies with a live one underneath? the live one has to eat it's way out. what's worse than a pile of dead babies with a live one underneath that has to eat it's way out? more dead babies dumped on the already existing pile. what's worse than the giant pile of dead babies with a live one underneath that has to eat it's way out, but there are more dead babies piled on top? this is all in your basement.

How do you keep an idiot busy? Give him something to do.

3 black guys walk into a restaurant and they sat down, ate their meals, and even tipped the waitor handsomely then for about 10 minutes they talk and then leave restaurant. Soon after a white guy comes and holds up the place for all it's money then killing three hostages before being taken down by the police.

What's worse than the Holocaust? Getting raped..

What would Chuck Norris do if you insulted him? Nothing. He probably doesn't have time for such foolishness.

How many Spanish people does it take to screw in a light bulb? Uno

Why was little Timmy so fast? Because he's tied up in the trunk of a speeding car.

Ammy Winehouse walks into a bar Don't you said we should stop jocking about dead people ?

Yo mamas so greasy that she has a beard

A new born baby is left alone in his crib after a long day of playing, He gets taken out of his crib for his first meal with his grandparents, he is excited, His grandparents come in and after the usual praising of the child they sit down for dinner, They are having chicken, His mother puts the spoon to his mouth, He chews it and swallows it, It gets stuck in his throat and he suffocates and dies.

What happened when the Neo-Nazi ran into a group of black people? He listened to their struggles, heard their stories, accepted their diversity and eventually hung up his hateful ways.

how much will u suck my dick for? $100, $50, $25, o u said none so u give freebees!!!!

Two men were patients at a mental institution. One was named Dave, the other named John. Dave very quietly said, "Hello, my name is Dave, and I have a violent form of phonophobia, so please do not-" "DICK!" Dave promptly strangled John. John had Tourettes Syndrome.

what did sushi A say to sushi B? Nothing, because sushi is composed of aboitic fish, rice and other nutritious components and cannot speak

A redundant man walked into a bar. He sat down, and unfortunately, we learn 5 minutes later that his wife died.

why did the chicken cross the road? the sudden lack of sidewalk dictated as such.

Why didnt the 14 year old get her period? Because she had gotten pregnant by her father

After six days in prison, and the eight hours in court straight they finally randomly decided that I "acted in self defense" which I did, so I demanded recompensation for they locking me up and wasting my time... ...And hell if I did not get 12.000USD for it, not before they called me disrespectful and immoral, before I shut them the fuck up... ...""Earning" your respect wont pay my bills, while I am apparently the only one with balls here, what else can you say when you everybody else shuts the fuck up and sits down because the "alpha male" of your pack, yes you a grotesquely fat ass in a black dress and a gray womans wig smacks his little hammer on his desk... Judge my ass" Speaking of morals... "It is called sacrasm furfags" Nero: Did I mention that her boyfriend broke four fingers on his hand against my chest (supposedly it was a punch of some sort), then he countered my attack(?), as he skillfuly blocked both kicks with his face, as he fell down cried and pissed himself like the 52 year old "adult" he is? Then I broke both his knees with my heels and told him I would kill him too if he told the cops that I did so in self defense... In self defense of course... Drugs told my mother I was Satan, and that I would end up killing her the very day I was born... Little did I know back then, that whatever kind of angel dust she used then was right about me killing her... Now its her turn to climb up from the hell she sent me trough, except that I locked the gate at the end. I miss my real arm though, which she chopped right off me when I was six and offered it to God as tribute, then proceeded to beat the shit out of me with it it... That kinda felt nice compared to waterboarding and all the other shit she did to me, as for my father... Tried to break my neck because I was at my room studying when he caught me scratching my prosphetic arm which was a sin apparently, yes reader I literally killed my father too and you dont hear me whining about it. Nero: I had a custom prosphetic arm made, it wont pick up or hold shit, you can in fact crush your own fathers skull with a fist literally made of steel, even if you still cant believe its not real butter. Solvemedia: Politically correct, thumbs the fucks ups for the irony... Or the steel which I used in pure fear as my neck snapped and my legs went numb... Just a literal pain in the neck for the rest of my life though, and a nice memory...

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

Want more? You might be interested in...

Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops