If a llama walks into a jewelry store and a carrot has no feathers, then why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't. It got hit by a car because chickens are simple creatures and don't understand the complex rules of the road.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks, "Why the long face" To which the horse replies by trampling him to death for making rude remarks about his face.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

An incoming freshman introduces himself to his Ethics professor by saying, "What's up?" To which the professor responds, "You should never end a sentence with a preposition." The freshman, who is both clever and witty, quickly responds to his future Professor, saying: "Professor, I practice linguistic description, such that I observe language objectively in a way that does not adhere strictly to grammatical and syntactic dogma". The professor, surprised by the student's philosophical disposition, engages the student in a highly constructive dialogue about the philosophy of language, from which both the student and teacher learn more about each other and themselves.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

A brunette, a blond and a red-head decide to go swimming in a lake. To prepare, they go shopping together to get some new bikinis. When they get to the shop they are pleased to find that the bikinis are on sale and they get them 50% off. They drive with their new swimwear to the lake and get changed in the changing room. When they get out they notice that it is quite cold. They decide to go swimming anyway. They notice that the lake is dirty. They decide to go swimming anyway. They notice the lake is actually a spill of oil. They decide to go swimming anyway. They remember that none of them can swim. They decide to go swimming anyway. They jump in. They drown.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

(To the tune of Perry the Platypus) He's a completely retarded Allosaurus of action! A purple dopey dimwit who always giggles away! He never does anything But children's songs he does sing And the little kids squeal whenever they hear him say... *i love you, you love me* He's Barney! Barney the Dinosaur!

thumb_up thumb_down -13

What do you call a man with a knife in his back? An ambulance

thumb_up thumb_down -13

I went to the bookstore to buy me a Where's Waldo book. I looked through the store and couldn't find it anywhere.... Well played waldo, well played.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

What is worse than Shaq's free throw percentage? The free throw percentages of Reggie Evans, Bo Outlaw, Andris Biedrins, Wilt Chamberlain, Chris Dudley and Ben Wallace.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Penis

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Why was the Tyrannosaurus Rex such an aggressive animal? it had short arms so it could not masturbate.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Why did Jessica fall off the swing? She doesn't have any arms Knock, knock Whose there? Not Jessica

thumb_up thumb_down -13

In soviet russia, 6 is not afraid of 7

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Knock, Knock? Who's There? Not Suzie

thumb_up thumb_down -13

What's brown and sticky? A lump of shit.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Why did Sally fall off the swingset? she had no arms... Knock Knock Who's there? Not Sally

thumb_up thumb_down -13

What's brown and slimy? brown slime

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Why can't Jesus eat M&Ms? Because they weren't invented when he was alive.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

So a hispanic man and a black man jump from a tree, which one hits the ground first? The hispanic man, the rope caught the black man.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Roses are red violets are blue I have alziemers banana cookie!

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Why did the plane crash? A loaf of bread was the pilot

thumb_up thumb_down -13

YOLO You only like Oreos

thumb_up thumb_down -13

What's the color of a healthy kidney. I have no f***ing idea.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Roses are red Violets are violet Why does it go like that anyways? ~Yasmin~

thumb_up thumb_down -13

A mormon walks into a bar.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops