A man walks into a bar. The initial impact knocks him violently to the ground, where he lies gasping in agony. Flustered and in a state of psychological shock, he shakily reaches up and touches his head in an attempt to asses the damage he has sustained and establish the seriousness of the situation. He lets out a resigned whimper when he realises his hands are stained a deep red. More blood gushes in torrents from his left temple, and the man chokes on his vomit as he writhes on the ground uncontrollably, incessant waves of pain washing over him. The protruding metal bar left so carelessly in his path has done a lot more damage than the man is aware of. His skull has been shattered in several places and he has suffered additional fractures to his cheek bone and jaw. Also, the sheer force at which the man has collided with the bar means that he is severely concussed and the onset of brain haemorrhage is becoming very likely. Brain haemorrhage is a very common cause of strokes and, if left untreated, the bleed will almost certainly kill the man in later life. However, the chances of the man reaching this stage in his life are now almost non-existent. He is losing copious volumes of blood from the wounds sustained to his face, and is becoming weaker by the second. He needs a blood transfusion immediately if he is to live. But nobody is there to go to his aid. The harsh reality is, he is doomed...

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What happened when the little girl said Bloody Mary 3 times in the dark? - She got her head smashed in the mirror, all of her intestines were neatly ripped out and was stabbed to death with No.2 mechanical pencils. Then her parents came home from dinner to find their daughter brutally killed in her own room. They notified police, opened a case and gave up after 12 years of searching for her killer. Both parents cried for the amount of years their daughter had been gone and they both decided to kill each other. The father raped the mom while slitting the back of her neck that led to her head being detached. Then the father left his pick up truck running and through his head toward the engine, which didn't really work. So he went back inside and watched Three and A Half Men.

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What happened to the Jewish man while he was in the shower? He accidentally fell asleep and was late to his job.

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How do you confuse a blonde? You put her in a round room and tell her to find the corner.

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Yo momma so poor, she can't afford to live in a two story Cheerio box

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What's worse than the Holocaust? A worm in your apple.

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Friends are a lot like trees I just thought you should know.

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Reilly and Ross went up to fetch a pale of water when a triceratops turned them into bagels then ate them and later crapped them out....

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Bill: Wanna know the difference between knowledge and wisdom? Joe: Sure Bill: Knowledge is knowing that an apple is a fruit. Wisdom is knowing not to put it in a fruit salad.

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What's similar between the Alabama Crimson Tide and a maggot? They've both been feeding off of a dead Bear for 30 years...

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Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance ? "because he had nobody to go with" No because it was dead.

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Whats orange at the bottom of the swimming pool? A baby without floaties.

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What does the blond say when she walks out of the salon Nothing, she is hit by a car, and promptly goes into a coma and hasnt said anything since

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Q: How many babies does it take to paint a wall? A: Depends on how hard you throw them.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He was attached to a bomb filled with spoons

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Why did the man scream? because he was run over.

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What would you do when pigs fly? Pigs cannot fly, therefore this question is impractical.

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How do u kill a black man You don't or else u will get intouble for murder but u can if u want there r many ways

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A man walked into a bar....he's OK.

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Two tomatoes were crossing a road when one of them got hit by a truck. The other said, Carrot.

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What's black and white and red all over? A dead penguin

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Q: You and a thousand other people are suddenly bursting in flames at a park, there is a big barrel of water just a few steps away from you, what do you do in order to save the people that truly matter? A: Stop drop and roll, duh!

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What do you call a man with no legs or arms trying to ski? Impossible.

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How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Totsie Roll totsie pop? Altough many tests have been done, there still isn't a certain number. There are many variables involved with this question.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops