I love bacon therefor I love people who eat bacon execpt people who eat my bacon then I hate people who eat bacon

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How do you put in a lightbulb? Call your local electrition

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Mickey Mouse peed on a house what color was it? It wasn't a color, or any pee for that matter. Mickey Mouse is a fictional character for children's amusement.

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Why did the cow cross the road? He probably saw a delicious looking patch of grass on the otherside.

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Three friends were walking to school, they all looked in front of them and ran away. What did they see? A 200 ft dragon eating their school.

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roses are red, violets are blue, im a bad poet, text me. LMFAO

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Q: What did osama bin laden say to the worker behind the gas station counter? A: May I buy this bag of chips?

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justin bieber walks into a bar, he is then kicked out because he's under age.

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What did Marshawn Lynch say? Yeah

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Roses are red, violets are blue. This is a poem about flowers.

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Why did the fat man cross the road? Because he felt that being overweight, he had to do something about it and go to the gym.

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9/11 my birthday

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Q: Suzy loves apples, she will do anything to get her hands on an apple. Why didn't she eat Tom's apple? A: She ate someone elses apple and then he killed her before she could get to tom's!!!

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-What's sad about four black guys driving off a cliff? -They were my friends.

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My grandma told me to always keep my head up and just keep going. She fell down a manhole last week and died.

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A man walks into a bar. The bartender asks what he'd like to drink. The man pulls out his gun, shoots the surprised bartender, and proceeds to execute all the patrons of the bar and finally commit suicide. A post-mortem identification of the man identifies him as a victim of childhood sexual abuse and a diagnosed schizophrenic. There is a nice funeral for all the victims and the media respectfully minimizes exposure of the event.

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Q: What do you get when you have water, sodium C14-16 olefin sulfonate, glycerin, disodium lauroamphodiacetate, polysorbate 20, cocamidopropyl, betaine, PEG-6 Phenoxyethanol, PPG-15 Stearyl, Ether, Citric Acid, isocateth-20, Fragrance, Methylparaben, Tetrasodium EDTA, Xanthan Gum, Propylparben, Ethylparagen, and Camelia Sinensis Leaf Extract? A: All New Clean & Clear Oil Free Make-up Dissolving Foaming Cleanser.

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A man asks his wife to make him a sandwich, she proceeds to make a sandwich using rye bread, lettuce, two slices of tomatoes, a variety condiments, mustard and several slices of American cheese. The man eats the sandwich at a parade with his wife celebrating Woman's Rights.

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Why did the road cross the chicken? Well, according to Einstein's Theory of Special Relativity, if you and the chicken were to cross the road simultaneously, your perspective, relative to the chicken, would remain unchanged. Therefore, the road would appear to move underneath the chicken, which would seem to be performing some style of polka dance.

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What did the terrorist get for Christmas? A bullet in his head.

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Q:What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? A:Lick-a-lotta-pus

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Why didn't the pregnant, pro-choice woman have an abortion? It was a planned pregnancy.

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I once saw a fat child eating a sandwich. I wondered what was inside.

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why did the girl ask for food? because she was hungry and hadnt eaten in days.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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