Confucius says... The superior man, when resting in safety, does not forget that danger may come. When in a state of security he does not forget the possibility of ruin. When all is orderly, he does not forget that disorder may come. Thus his person is not endangered, and his States and all their clans are preserved.

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your momma is so fat she eats a lot of things

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Roses are red, violets are blue, I am a bitch, and so are you!

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Why did Tim fall out of the window? Well... he didn't exactly fall... I pushed him

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Whats the worst thing about dying? Your not alive anymore.

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What is black white and red all over? A zebra which a lion did not finish eating.

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A man takes a bite into a tuna casserole and burns his tounge. He is also a hermaphradite.

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Knock, Knock. Who's there? Dave. Dave who? Dave proceeds to break into tears as his grandmother's Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she can no longer remember him.

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When life gives you lemons, go sell them for crack.

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Can a rabbit jump higher than a tree? Trees can't jump

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A man was wacking it and then his internet went down he then cut off his own balls then his internet came back

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Why does tundes food suck? Because he is from Africa and the cuisine is different

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A blind man walks into a library.

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Kid 1 "Man this is the hardest poop i've ever taken." Kid 2 "Maybe it's because you ate the Happy Meal toys." Kid 1 "You know what? I think you're right. Commotion ensues as the toilet bowl fills with blood as the action figure has cut the inside of his large intenstine. He is screaming in pain. Kid 2 reacts quickly getting him to the hospital just making it in time before Kid 1 passes out. Thankfully he survives but has to get surgery. Meanwhile, the family dog Buster decides to drink the blood poop water from the bowl and dies from poisining.

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What did the penis say to the condom? Cover me i'm going in.

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What do you call a black man carrying a T.V? Someone that is helping me move.

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why was sally the best at hid and go seek they couldn't find her body

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A Priest and a Rabbi walk into a bar together. They discuss the fundamentals and aspects of Religion.

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What was Hellen Keller's favorite color? Velcro.

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Did you hear the one about the man who went into the jungle wearing nothing but leopard print underwear? He was suffering from psychogenic fugue disorder and had no idea who or where he was. He was eventually eaten alive by a flesh-eating centipede. When his wife found out, she committed suicide.

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Why was the baby crying? He had just witnessed his parent gets brutally murdered.

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How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb? 1, but if the ladder is shaky, you might need another to hold it up.

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There was once a really smart Hufflepuff.

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a black guy a mexican guy and a puerto rican guy are driving together in a car whos driving? Whoevers car it is.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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