teacher: who's going to pass english? students: us teacher: not you, i lied about the passing

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A blonde heard that 90% of all crimes occur within a one-mile radius of the home, so she had a security alarm installed.

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If your yacht is if moving at 50 knots per hour in a wind tunnel how many leprechauns can you fit in a chamber? Even, because purple is attracted to bestiality.

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Do you know why, when geese fly south for the winter, one side of the V is always longer than the other? Because there are more birds on that side.

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"Doctor, I seem to have a large horn-like growth protruding from my nose". "Well, yes, that is because you are a rhinoceros".

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Who has no penis Religious Believers

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roses are red violets are blue holy sh*t slendermans behind you

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A boy spelled the word "banana" wrong on a spelling test... Points were deducted.

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Why were two black men fighting for a dollar that fell on the floor? Because they both lost their homes in the crashing market and have to care for their ill children that need money for medical expenses.

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How do you get children to behave? Chop them up.

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Knock Knock. Who's There? I have cancer.

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How do you get a black guy out of a tree? You don't, he just jumps down.

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Why did the little boy fall over. Because someone shot him in the face.

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I hear eating an apple a day keeps the other apples in check.

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What's green and has wheels? Grass I lied about the wheels

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What do you call a black man with no arms? Trustworthy.

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If John has 50 candy bars and eats 45, what does he have? Diabetes. John has diabetes.

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What do you call a man who burns his country's flag on it's independence day? Unpatriotic

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What do you do when your dish washer breaks? divorce her.

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What do you call Madeline McCann at the bottom of the sea? Drowned Madeline McCann.

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A rabi a priest and a gay guy are praying. The rabi says amen the priest says amen the gay guy says ahh men.

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Why did Stephen hawking walk into A bar? He didn't. This situation is impossible considering the fact that he suffers from a horrible condition causing terrible muscular paralysis preventing him from walking.

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Why was Timmy sad? While helping his dad hang Christmas light, he got tangled up in them and fell down. While falling he grabbed a wire, which caused a spark. This spark lit the house on fire. Since he broke most of the bones in his body from falling he could not run away. The house proceeded to collapse an poor Timmy seriously injuring and hideously disfiguring him. By the time the ambulance got there, Timmy was the only survivor for his parents died of smoke inhalation. Since he had no other living relatives he was forced to live in an orphanage for the rest of his childhood. That is why Timmy is sad.

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why couldnt the african child eat enough food? he didnt have a mouth.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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