What do you call your mother's bipolar brother with three arms? Uncle.

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she's dead.

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Why couldn't Suzie put on her boots? Because she got her legs amputated.

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What do u call Lindsay Lohan fall from grace? Probably likely tragic and is also a very useful metaphor for The USA's projected path for global and economic superiority.

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Captain Falcon is eating a restaurant. After he sits down at his table, a waiter comes by to take his drink order. Not wanting to skew his blood alcohol level for his next race, he asks for a non-alcoholic drink. The waiter says, "We only have water and punch. Which would you like?" Captain Falcon replies, "Water, please."

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Everybody has a penis! EVERY BODY! WHY can't feminists admit this obvious anatomical fact? Gahhhh!

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An indian boy asked his Dad,'Why do we have such long names?' His father didn't reply, he died on the road home.

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Bill goes and buys 45 watermelons, what does he have? 45 watermelons.

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A black man and a mexican jump off a building at the same time, who lands first? Who cares?

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead.

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Why was six afraid of seven? He wasn't. that joke is just a way to convince you that seven is a scary number.

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person 1: i have a good knock knock joke person 2: ok what is it? person 1: say knock knock! person 2: knock knock person 1: trollollollollollollo

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A: What did the Orange say to the Mango? B: Sup Hommie?! A: Wtf.... (awkwardly walks away)

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Why do most married men die before their wives? Men have on average a shorter life expectancy than women.

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A blonde heard that 90% of all crimes occur within a one-mile radius of the home, so she had a security alarm installed.

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What's the difference between a duck? One of its legs are the same.

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Knock Knock Who's there? Bob Bob who? Your neighbor

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what do you get if you cross a motorway with a wheel barrow? Arrested as a wheelbarrow is not a motorised vehicle, or even a vehicle at all and therefore it is an offence to cross the motorway with it, actually it is probably an offence to cross a motorway with anything now that I come to think of it

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Is it considered sexual harassment if a midget says to a woman, "your hair smells nice"? Holy crap i don't like black people.

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Three men walk into a bar. One of them is not planning to consume alcohol because they are responsible and he is the designated driver.

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What do Grant and Lee have in common? They're both black males

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Knock Knock. Who`s there? Hadooouuuuuuu! Hadou who? KEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN! PERFECT!!! Perfect Bonus: 38493483948394839483984 Skill 0000000 Your life 0 Bonus 9001

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teacher: who's going to pass english? students: us teacher: not you, i lied about the passing

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What's the difference between Newt Gingrich's cat and a hand grenade? Gingrich's cat is a domesticated quadriped mammal, a hand grenade is a small bomb that can be thrown by hand

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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