what did i get my mom for her birthday? Nothing im selfish

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whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? the holocaust

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What does a lonely man do on opposite day? I don't know. Why should we know what he does, that is both weird and illegal. Stalking is a serious crime and should not be used. We do not know what he does on normal days, thus we cannot come to a conclusion to this question. However, I do hypothesize that he must be social on this day because this is the opposite of lonely.

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A woman buys a man a Valentine's Day present.

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Have you seen Stevie wonders new house? No Neither has he.

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Did you hear about the new brand of shovel? Yeah, it's pretty groundbreaking.

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Fenestrade De Riguerto sat aloft his might horse Bentereuse and called for his brigadiers. At home his wife was opening a package. 2 minutes later a sound could be heard reverberating across the countryside. It was the invasion fleet from Denarus V wiping out humanity

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Why were our jokes deleted? Because it's anti-joke.

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Why was the walrus wearing braces? It wasn't, because it his highly unlikely that people would care about a walrus's dental issues. The walrus would most likely cope with his irregular teeth and move on with its life.

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roses are red, violets are blue, some poems rhyme, some dont

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A man walks into the office for an appointment. The doctor performs the usual examinations, before asking the man to turn his head and cough. As is standard, he feels the man's testicles to check for irregularities. The man jokes, "Say doc, couldn't you at least ask me to dinner first?" The doctor replies, "You have testicular cancer." He died a month later.

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Whats green, has four legs, and falls out of a tree? A Pool Table. Use your imagination.

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Q: What's small, round, and looks like a marble? A: A marble.

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12345678910111213141516171819whatcomesnext

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How do you get a Mexican's attention? "Excuse me, may I have your attention?"

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put my cøck in your mouth. Submitted by Arsha K.

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The Americans have just spent millions of dollars working on a pen that works in space. I would of just used a pencil.

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A man walks into a butchers and asks for a loaf of bread the butcher replies " no im a butcher" The man says " its ok my bikes outside"

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Obama lin Baden.

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Knock Knock Who's there? Interrupting cow Interrupting cow wh- SHUT UP!

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What do you get when Justin Bieber mates with a beaver? Nothing, the species are too genetically different to produce offspring

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Johnny has 32 cookies. He eats 28 of them. What does he have now? Diabetes, Johnny has diabetes.

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Your mum is such a slut, I'd reccomend she seeks psychiatric help, as her deviant promiscuity is clearly a phsical manifestation of some deep rooted psychological disfunction. We all wish her well.

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An elephant walks in a bar. The bartender and everyone rushed out as soon as they saw the elephant

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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