What's the difference between an egg and a Llama? The'yre both not lamps.

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Everyone believes in something. If you believe "you'll have another drink," you may be an alcoholic.

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What did the farmer say when he found his tractor? "There's my tractor."

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What do you do when you find a blonde on her knees? Help her up, because obviously she has fallen.

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What do you call a Fly with no wings? Dead.

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What did the child say to the clown? For a professional entertainer, you're not that funny.

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Why was the little boy hit by a bus? I pushed him

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How can you tell if your roomate is gay? If he gets an erection when you have anal sex with him.

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What did the little boy say to Micheal Jackson? Shouldn't you be dead?

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roses are red, violets are blue. you've got Alzheimer's, it sucks to be you

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What did the white man say to the black man that sneezed? -Bless you.

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sit in the dark for about 4 or 5 hours covered in Vaseline with a huge dildo inside of your arse

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What did the homosexual get for Christmas off his boyfriend? A lovely present off his loving partner.

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a very large and muscly guy walks into a bar and finds a scrawny white guy he asks him if he has ever been in a fight with someone bigger then him the man says no the large man then leaves the bar and they both continue on with their day

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Why did the nervous man jump out of a plane? He was sky diving.

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A man calls his 23 year old nephew on a Saturday night. He's calling him, in order to apologise for molesting him when he was younger. As he could no longer live with the guilt and shame. They both start to cry on the phone. The nephew hangs up " I can't do this.." The man receives an email from his boss, saying " Lisa told me she's still waiting for your analysis on the new federal cuts and how they're going to affect us. Please send them asap."

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Why did the plane crash? The pilot was a loaf of bread.

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Chuck Norris and 2 other cowboys were out in the old west. After a long day of travel in the desert, the three of them set up camp for the night. Having sat around their fire silently for some time, the first of the cowboys decided to speak up. "You know," he said, "I believe I am the manliest man here! Why, this one time I was riding all alone through the desert on my manly horse when I stumbled upon a town that had no name. Upon entering the town, I realized that the townspeople were in a panic. Everyone was fleeing for their lives and screaming. So I grabbed the nearest woman to me around the neck and demanded of her, 'What the hell is going on around here?!!!' The woman, terrified, only managed to stammer and point. Low and behold, there was a wild bull skewering people through the heart. So, what did I do? I got down off my tall horse and grabbed the bull by the horns and looked him straight in the eyes, broke his neck, crushed his testicles, rammed my fist into his chest, pulled out his heart and ate it! That is how much of a man I am!" There was silence quite for a while. Soon the other cowboy cleared his voice and said: "You, know, that's pretty good, but I am more of a man than that! Why, this one time, me and a few of my manly buddies were off on a horse trip. I was bringing up the rear of the line when all of a sudden I heard a commotion at the front of the line. Kicking my fine horse with my spurs, I raced ahead to see what was the matter. Low and behold, there was a twenty-foot rattler that had consumed my friend whole! So, what did I do? I got down off my tall horse and ran over to the snake, grabbed him around the neck, crushed his testicles, bit off his head, sucked the venom from its cold, lifeless body and then spit it upon the dry ground like acid! That is how much of a man I am!" After this, there was another silence. The two cowboys looked one another over, each recognizing the other to be a fine specimen of what it is to be a man. They then both patiently waited to hear Chuck Norris' response. But there was only silence. Off in the distance an owl hooted. A coyote howled. Still, silence. Chuck Norris didn't say a word; he merely continued to sit calmly and stir the coals of the fire with his penis.

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What did the hispanic say to the black guy? I'm not sure. I wasn't listening because eavesdropping is rude.

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A deer looks at the ground and sees something strange. He wonders what it could be. A rabbit comes along and thinks the same. A badger promptly arrives after the rabbit and thinks the exact same. 4 seconds later they all get hit by a train.

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what did the fish say when i threw it at the wall. Ouch. Then the world ended because it caused a ripple in the fabric of reality.

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Why is Jesse so fat? A horse, Because a cow gives milk thus creating pee wee Herman to jack off at an astonishing speed

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this is a haiku i have no idea where i am going with .... this

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Wihat's red, green, and goes 100 miles an hour? A frog in a blender!!!!!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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